Album Notes

the balomai brothers big smokin bio!
leonard "spike" lemay was the only son of two immigrant parents who worked 700 hours a week,paid taxes and died young,homeless and broke.leaving the young boy spike to survive on his own. at the age of seven the state of ohio sold spike to hollywood for five dollars where he was immediately put to work appearing in over 50,000 commercials and magazine ads. he later was named the greatest teen athelete in the usa and achieved his doctorate in biochemistry at the age of 17. a few years later while owning three t.v. stations,two insurance companies and working for the c.i.a. spike was found to be $1.50 short on his reported taxes,tried,convicted and sentenced to 472 years in a federal prison. while in prison he found a roy clark guitar book and learned to play emo. after enduring 9 years,7521 rapes and eating 73 million dollars worth of food, spike was released on shock probation immediately given his own t.v. sitcom and began a streak of leading roles in many touching masterpiece films. one day while balling his eyes out in the middle of a heartfelt discussion on mtv's the real world,he heard beautiful singing coming from the street down below. running out with his corona and lime in hand and his throng of 417 earth moving,world changing women,he saw on the sidewalk a brutally handsome man singing and playing his guitar surrounded by thousands of drooling women. "who the fuckith art thou?" he pleaded into the steamy night."i ama dee szars painis,dee greeta rockastar!"the man answered boldly as the woman shrieked in ecstasy.at this point the two gazed into each others eyes as the now 250,000 strong crowd began clapping and humming the melody to the chicken dance, which the two super heroes performed to perfection,and as the now hysterical crowd yelped and pleaded for more,a big high ranking makeup boy from junk rock records,checked his breath and emerged from the crowd with dollar signs flashing in his beady little eyes.he now grabbed the boys by the seat of their leather pants and whisked them into a waiting limo,gave them each 7 million in cash,and the exclusive rights to madonna.the next day they recorded their first l.p. which went to #1 in 6 seconds
and in 2 hours the balomai(bay-low-may) brothers were the biggest thing in the whole wide world! their 1st album "millions of women cant be wrong or youve made your bed now go %^&*# yourself in it." is a delicious tapestry of angelic vocalizations,swirling,lusty melodies and superb instrument manipulations.the immeasurable depth of substance in this cheesy,vile,ethnic fun loving emo hardcore psycho pop masterpiece, has filled hospital emergency rooms all over the world with hysterical women and jails with envious men.junk rock and the balomai brothers will be the gratest thing thats ever happened to you! so jump on the bandwagon while theres still room. the future of self importance is here! (everybody go:) balomai!balomai! balomai! tr1 is a story about what a lowly cleaning guy an an elite corporate executive are really thinking when they engage in small talk in a restroom. tr2 touches on the mystery of fame & lusty desires tr3 is a traditional hungarian chardash. tr4 is a standard cheesy pop smash,gear up ladies! tr5 is the tale of a murder,an obsession and some good party fun! tr6 is about being expected to worship your little b.s. job. tr7 if youve ever purchased anything,youve lived it! tr8 imagine your friends stop over when your not home,and your dad beats the crap out of you for it. tr9 a man that once refused to sellout gets so desperate that he begs to then he pops himself in a corn crib. tr10a gripping drama about a runaway balomai brothers fan. tr11 i detect a pattern here. tr12 a sultry hungarian rhapsody, get the smelling salts ready girls! tr13 explains the murderous psychic change that occurs when friends turn to lovers tr14 a classic arena ballad, sold over 7 million copies. tr15 a junk rock version of the beatles classic tr16 theme song of the elite(for people who act like theyve never crapped their pants tr17 one wrong move makes for another, but the stupid guy keeps getting back up tr 18 our normal fanatical crowd of supporters,a singalong with the stompers and a murder. viva las vegas!
check our soon to be up website for more hot info! heres a few comments made by famous people in the know see if you can guess who they are,"these groovy boys make my all american horse poppin yams bulge out of my husky toughskins woo!" " the nutty one ate my catfish!" he borrowed my pink fur jacket... and now it stinks!" i know boogie and these guys got that badge on!" "mamma likes the one about the asshole.heres a real review that appeared in clevelands
premier entertainment weekly. brook parks balomai brothers play the kind of music that tempts the casual listener to dismiss it as the result of waaay too many drugs,but its far too tight-they're more likely just weirdo savants. millions of women cant be wrong! is a hyperactive lounge act presented by spike lemay & szars painis,who croon in over the top caricatures of vaguely middle eastern accents. full band electroclash,the album interpolates rockin hits from the beatles "birthday" to "you are my sunshine". the call & response chorus of "hey asshole,how do i sellout?" gives way to rythmic yelping to the tune of"la vida loca" there are hints of real pop genius and some serious chops, including a slamming faith no more-style bass line in the stalker anthem "i ache for you" an effervescent xylohone solo in "bob got me" put this one on your shelf between zappa's the man from utopia and your jerky boys collection. -d.x.ferris... order the balomai brothers c.d. today & receive the junk rock records monthly manifesto free of charge along with other exciting ass kissing gifts! fbi profile richard"szars" painis.-singer/guitarist. exiled to hungary in 1980 for messing up mayor coynes hairdo at the brookpark homedays. reentered u.s.a. in a rubiks cube, works as a toilet cleaner. though not a homosexual has a peculiar obsession with johnny depp--this guys a real threat to rock-n-roll. leonard"spike"lemay-singer guitarist.once dubbed americas new guitar hero. a dangerous womanizer. a sometimes stunt double for adult film legend dwayne clifton.knows martial arts. likes to make pottery.--a real threat to all thats cool. well fans thanks for everything and we'll be sure to mention each and every one of you at the grammy's balomai! balomai! balomai! balomai! "open up the cages mom, your two biggest mistakes are coming home! woooo! (easy! easy! girls!)
repesented by "finklestein howard and finklestein" remember, nothing says " i love you!" like the balomai's
turn your radio's off! it's balomai time! listen to the clips! listenten to the clips!- though you may be sorry, once you own it, you'll be armed and dangerous! girls, get rid of that ugly guy who just wont leave you alone!balomai! balomai! men, bring that big sand kickin bully to his knees! balomai! balomai! listen to it backwards for the winning lottery numbers! balomai! balomai! send it to the irs instead of your payment! balomai! balomai! slip it in the jewel box of someone you cant stands favorite c.d. balomai! balomai! listen to it, change your life rock out and have a ball! for ever ! and ever! and ever! balomai! balomai! balomai!balomai! (easy girls!) balomai!