I recorded this album during the fall and winter of 2006, while undergoing 6 months of chemotherapy for Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I'd been diagnosed in July of that year, and the news came as a real shock. I'd known that I was sick, but at age 25, I never thought that I could have the dreaded "C" word.
I don't know anybody that goes through cancer that doesn't have some extreme emotions about it. Anger, fear, disgust, depression, pride, anxiety... For me, cancer really brought out a lot of emotions that I'd never felt before. I had, I guess you could say, an excess of emotions during that time.
I've spent most of my life playing piano in restaurants and parties. I'd spent the year before cancer playing on a cruise ship in Europe and the Caribbean. I have to admit, though, sometimes a gig is just a gig. I can't say that every thing, every line, every phrase, that I've played during every gig is something really inspired. In truth, I'd say that before being diagnosed with cancer, I'd lost a sense of direction with my music and my career.
When treatments really got rough, and they did really get rough, I went to my piano. When some people get angry, or frustrated, or scared, maybe they go to a punching bag, or take a walk, or put on their favorite movie. My release was to play the same songs I'd played for years in restaurants, on the ocean, in practice rooms.
Looking back, and now that I really sit and listen to these recordings, it occurs to me that something really special, something really inspired, came out of me in these recordings. I can hear the fear, and the frustration, and the depression, and the hope, and the gratitude for life that I felt during treatment.
These are really special recordings for me. They represent an intensely emotional time during my life. They represent my feelings about being diagnosed with cancer so much more than I could ever have expressed with words. These recordings were therapeutic for me, and they still are.
I'm not glad, or proud, or grateful that I went through cancer. I wish it hadn't happened. But to say that the effects that cancer has had on my life have all been negative would be a lie. Some particularly moving and beautiful things have happened in my life that would not have happened if I hadn't become sick. This album is one of those things.
I really hope you buy this album, and I really hope that you tell your friends about it. If you know someone going through the tough battle of cancer treatment, I hope that you play it for them, and I hope that they connect with it in some way. Mostly, I hope that you enjoy the album, and that it gives you something that you've been needing for awhile.
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