When I was six years old, my older brother took me to the store to buy a music tape of Iron Maiden. When I heard them for the first time, I knew I wanted to make music. I also started listening to bands like Slayer, Megadeth, Ozzy, The Doors, Jimmy Hendrix, Syd Barrett and Pink Floyd, that's just to name a few. I had hear music before, but when I heard
Iron Maiden, It took me away. The music draw me closer to it, it was a cool feeling, and I tried to show my friends, but they didn't like it.
When I arrived to the United States at the age of seven, I started thinking of more possibilities. It was like information just
going on my in my mind wildly.
As the years passed, I started listening to Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, Skinny Puppy, Ministry, Orgy, Depeche Mode, The Talking Heads, etc. My vision of music became a whole new world, and a depressing one too. I turned to drugs to arrange what I thought was right at the time. I hung out with a bad crowd and got in trouble alot, and a times with the police. I knew it was the wrong to di these kind of things, but when we do things in the heat of the passion, no one can tell us it's wrong, and this went on for a few years. I can't begin to tell you all how much i repented and felt bad for things I've done, but these days I feel like I can't replace them or fix it. Like, dropping out of high school to do drugs, and in that I basically watched my life go down the drain, and I can honest about it because it's the right thing to do. I also regret doing magic, contacting spirits and reading tarot cards, I completely regret those things. Almost by the end of those times, I had talked to one of the demons who lives in the desert, he was hundreds of feet tall, and he was always covered in bandage, he asked me once: Why do you want to know everything? And I looked at him, and I said: because I have to know, and he answered me, and said: Well, you can't. And that's when everything really started happening to me.
I can't begin to think right now of the horrors I went through because of that.
Then came the anxiety and the phobia of being alive.
In my mind, when I looked at the world through my eyes, there were always faces, smiling, staring and some sad. Eyes appeared through the shadows. And, these shadows always walked by me. I reading a bit of a book called Necronomicon and learning the tarot cards set the world on fire for me. After that, more shadows appeared and I remember screaming to God for it to stop. But i should of stopped when I had talked to the demon. Those beings really do not want to help at all, I learned to realize that the hard way. I know a lot of people think it's all bullshit, but it's really not. It's conscience of being, and a state of spirit not of mind, and also the company of them that want to watch you burn. God gives everyone what they deserve, and that He does, and He will because He is righteous. He is fair, and He is authority.
I started to realize praying wasn't going to help because I was praying to the wrong version of God, and that's very critical to the Lord because it shows him, we are not willing to get to know Him. So, more of them kept on coming.
After that, came the fear of being outside came along, and I couldn't leave my house. The fear of smiling, and thinking heavenly thoughts scared me. I feared strangers, stares, and happiness. People's faces were ugly, including the beautiful ones. Nothing was normal anymore, and when these thought group at the peek, it was like having no control, and your mind is just filled with thoughts, and it becomes crowded with no more room to think. It was horrible, it was abnormal, it was beyond human, this was the work of devils, this was the judgement to me. I don't eve want anyone to go through this, not ever!
The thoughts of all those faces that stared at me were easy to read.
Emotions had became stronger and abnormal, thoughts were hitting me because I was a fool. Every day, I didn't know whether I was going to make it . I used to think of all these thoughts of God and Yeshua. At one point I thought God wasn't real and that He was an invented fantasy to overcome stress. I thought the devil was just a picture painted to bebeside God as an opposite that was even more of nothing than Him, and i wasn't real. I used to pray and pray for it to stop: the dreams, the visions and the depression. It overwhelmed me. In our moments of doubts, we all have a some faith that lives in a us, even the atheists have it because at our moment of death we all remember that promise of forgiveness, and that promise that our suffering will be cured, and rightly justified because we have a purpose, and we are made in his image. Death is the fear of all men, no matter whether they claim that they don't have fear in it, but they do. The real fear we should have is in God because God can do all things.
I was unable to do a lot of things because of all of this. I couldn't live a normal life. Moving on to the music topic, I tried to create some local bands, but they all fell apart due to my problems. I couldn't speak to the world. I couldn't, it was hard because I am not meant to succeed. I am meant to fail in all things, but what I am meant for is to try, and die trying.
It's been like this for me since the age of fourteen. Some things are still deep inside of me, and a lot of those things, I don't want to remember, but I'm glad I can't remember them, and honestly, I don't want too. It's a bit easier to control now, but at times, it's so strong that I can't, but I try in His name. I used to care what people thought of me when I would tell them that I have fully accepting the Lord in my Life, but now I'm proud to admit because no one likes the truth, and He is truth, so, it's easier to understand why, they won't accept Him.
I've been writing poetry, songs and lyrics since the age of eleven, and I got a bass guitar the following year, then a guitar. I spent the next two years learning those instruments. Then, at sixteen, I got my first drum set. But it wasn't enough for me because I needed more. At seventeen, I started recording with a double tape deck. You know, mixing tapes around. It's kind of funny when you think about it. Later that summer, I bought my first keyboard then a synthesizer. . Eventually, I bought more keyboards, as well as drum machines.
At twenty-two, I met a strange psychic who told me I was a special being from God. That scared me so much that I had to leave. It just got weirder after that. My palms have been itchy ever since. But the truth is that, I just as special as the person reading this right now, and I'm not special because we all are. We are the same, we are personal and we are not.
It's these kind of trick speeches, and questions that trick people, and get them into trouble because they think they're special enough to do what ever they don't, and it's not like that, and not at all will it ever be.
At twenty-three, I recorded my first full-length album at this cheap studio called Vision records by James G. It was a waste of time and money, but at the same time, it wasn't. I learned by watching how the recording and drum programs were used. After that, I bought my own programs and started recording and making beats for my songs. The only is that I lost 2,000 dollars there, but money isn't everything in this world or is it?
Then I stopped as depression set in.
In the summer of my twenty-fourth birthday, I truly devoted my time to recording my songs, but then I stopped again in the winter of 2006. I didn't know if I was going to be alive to finish it, but somehow I made it through..
My album is about depression, God, numbers, the universe, the unknown, the shadows, the eyes, secret messages, hate and a beautiful woman that influenced it in a big way. This woman once told me that I would never be seen.and another one told me that crying was beautiful, so, I hope you all enjoy it, and if you don't it's cool. God Bless!