In April of 1986 Geraldo Rivera opened a vault that had belonged to well-known organized crime boss Al Capone. The public was shown a disappointingly empty space void of anything significant whatsoever. What was not commonly known was that this stunt was merely a distraction which allowed Ghostrain to slip out the back door undecteded and circumvent the greatest threat to the free world of the time: Geraldo's personal assistant Pembrose Fruzenglaja.
Immediately following their daring escape the members of Ghostrain began the vital mission of writing animated flipbooks containing an unfortunate character whose sole purpose was to possess a head that absent of any discernable cause would rapidly expand and then burst very violently. John King, as the group's crack demolitions expert, was the logical choice for group chef. He was also charged with the operation of the mimeograph. Glenn Madison, an operative with a specialty in explosives, took over as hostage negotiator and chief storyboard writer. Ed Mascali directed several short-lived basic cable sitcoms during television's golden age under the psuedonym Franco Chrysler Copeland. In addition to chief of character design he was the obvious choice for disposal of volatile compunds. Loren Haefer was created in a lab that continued the experimental designs for flying machines pioneered by Leonardo DaVinci because they needed someone to get them coffee. He maintains continuity, refills the blue ink and is allowed a 25% stake in the selection of band snacks. Collectively the Cynical Initiative Annotations Feral Bouyancy Irrigators began referring to them as "the Illuminaughty."
These "Bringers of Light" as prophesied by the Maya may be the only means for our species to survive when Caligula returns on the spaceship Nabiru. They may be a means to keep hot foods hot and cold foods cold. Their opponents certainly haven't proven themselves as understanding how foreign policy dictates the length of hemlines in forward canard prop plane design. One thing is for sure. They may be crazy. They may be the sanest people you know. They may be the only chance you have to get that peanut butter off the roof of your mouth. OK, three things.
As creative influences go Ghostrain draws from three major sources: ingredient lists on gelatin packets and the sound buildings make when they are imploded to make way for shops that specialize in glass sculptures of miniature zombie labradoodles. The hypothesis that their music contains the subatomic particle responsible for giving objects their mass is as yet untested. They may cause drymouth, dizziness and certain sexual side effects in men and women. Children under three should not take Ghostrain unless directed by a physicist. If you elect to journey North, turn to page 38. If you remain at the inn for another night, turn to the next page. While there is still no accepted proof that not listening to Ghostrain could open a door to a parallel dimension with creatures that will burrow under our skin, lay eggs in our muscle tissue and then emerge in an extremely gory fashion at a socially awkward time (say, a fancy dinner party) but the informed cunsumer has a responsibility to themselves to ask one question: "Is it really worth the risk?" Nine out of five microbotanists call the current evidence "inconclusive with mayo on the side and a bag of chips." We think the results speak for themselves and we think after just 3 seconds of use you'll agree. We're so sure we'll allow you to return the unused portion for a pro-rated refund (minus a modest 125% stock fee and one digit from your left foot). Just give us a try and we guarantee we'll change the way you think about mutagens and the people who use them.
In conclusion, we hope this message was of some assistance in selecting your internet service provider and that this will show you we are committed to delivering the highest quality of trilobite thorax currently available, an issue the other candidates won't even address. So remember; Ghostrain is the only thing standing between your way of life and a way of life without doughnuts. If symptoms persist discontinue use and consult a philosopher. Ghostrain phonetically translates as "fish trauma" in Swahili. All your base are belong to us. Necrocide is an all-too-common game today's teens play with no real winners. Ghostrain: it's chock full of psychic nutrinos!