MICHAEL GROSS: Telephone Solicitor's Nightmare

Michael Gross

Telephone Solicitor's Nightmare

© 2002 Telephone Solicitor's Nightmare (643157070726)

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Hilarious CD involving "torturing" unsuspecting telemarketers in a creative, non-offensive manner.

tracks

1 Slow Down
2 Sick Guy
3 Alien
4 Foreign Friend I
5 Old Man
6 Secret
7 Frenchman
8 Dinner for One
9 Shakespeare
10 Computer Scientist
11 Songwriter
12 Paranoid
13 Jerry
14 Meditations
15 Cowboy
16 Voiceover
17 Greta Garbo
18 Annoying Sounds
19 Foreign Friend II

notes

Telephone Solicitor's Nightmare is the product of a lifetime of imagination and experience with people. Humor has always been a part of my life, as has the ability to imitate people. I can't remember the first time that I thought of annoying a telemarketer, but I do remember how my family would laugh hysterically when I would "torture my victims" when they called. I began recording the conversations on a cheap, analog recorder. This first CD was entirely recorded on this analog recorder(except for Shakespeare), so I apologize for the inequality of volume on some tracts. despite my best efforts to
correct the sound quality differences, there are some uneven recordings. I included them, though, because they are very funny.

All the voices on the CD, with the exception of the telemarketers themselves, are mine and mine alone. people ask me how I came up with such ideas. They also ask me how much i planned the conversations. Being someone who has always imitated characters and people, I was just waiting to use some of my developed characters. Sometimes I had an idea of which character was going to speak to the telemarketer, but I often didn't have any idea what was going to be said (foreign friend I and II, old man, frenchman, cowboy, meditations, voice over, alien). After all, the input from the telemarketer played a crucial role in what I was going to say next. Other times, I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say, nor did I have a character planned in advance (dinner for one, greta garbo, annoying sounds, paranoid). Even when I planned exactly my method of "torture" (sick guy, slow down, computer scientist, songwriter, Shakespeare, jerry), the response and input of the telemarketer always guided my reactions. In other words...improvisation, improvisation, improvisation.

reviews

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  • TM Nightmare
    author: Debbie

    I could not view this over AOL

  • Imbala riola!
    author: Robert Handcock

    Imba la qua la sio ba la! Mia la brakla rasamla tolma sa! My friend here says he loves it!

  • You are my hero
    author: R. Vanasse

    after hearing you on the radio I was inspired. Now when ever I get a call from a T.M. I have so much fun with them. I think my best call was with a carpet cleaner. I had him checking to see if he could put sued on all 4 walls of my den & the floor & how much it would cost to clean them. My Wife & Son get a hoot out of listening to me. I should really start recording them. Thank You.

  • I love you man this is good good good.
    author: C. Wall

    Man i got this tape at a thrift store and dlove it to death. I ride in my car and just laugh. i have allowed it to be used at a party for my grandchildren and we all just cracked our sides.YOu a stupid and good.I tried to call the number on the tape and it was cut off.Do you have any other tapes? Do you do Prank Calls? i would love for you to do some prank calls to people that i know, Rickey Smiley does them too. This is too funny. Why is it not known? I have been told by peole that i let hear it they want to buy it. Do you have others? I really could push these. Keep up the good work.Good Gift

  • Brilliant and hilarious!
    author: Cassendre Xavier, CD Baby Artist

    you crazy fool! i'm getting this for my clinically depressed boyfriend. this oughta cheer the blues right outta him... i'm still laughing and my eyes are watering!

  • I laughed until I cried on this one!
    author: Carmen Lawrence

    A couple of years ago I became extremely frustrated when one particular solicitor (the recorded type) kept calling me every day! After obtaining their office number and requesting numerous times for them to stop calling, I gave my children the number and let them have a little fun repeatedly calling them. Still, the calls kept coming. I got on the internet and started searching for a way to fight back and that's when I came across your cd. I simply want to know when you are going to make another one! I laughed until I cried on this one! It was very theraputic! My only complaint is that it is a little hard to hear the callers.

  • author: CD Baby

    This album not only made my day (and probably the next few to come) but aroused strange looks from my co-workers. Them: slaving away at their computers. Me: rolling on the floor with laugher, wheezing and pounding the floor, practically ready to bust a gut or two. If you've ever had not-so-nice fantasies about what you would like to do to those annoying telemarketers that always seem to interrupt the most cherished moments of your peace, let this album requite those impulses. Ahh! Revenge, sweet revenge!!!!!!

  • Truely funny...especially for those of us in the business!!!!
    author: kathy

    Even the folks who are in the telemarketing business can get a good laugh out of this one. Truth be told, we don't like those bothersome phone calls either. Michael's approach is so much "kinder and gentler" then most. Thanks Again for the laugh and "ideas".

  • Ok, not bad, mildly amusing if you are not easily amused.
    author: Jon

    Ok not bad half the material on the cd is worth a thumbs up. The other half is a bit drawn out and a chore to keep from moving to the next track. Ok for 10 dollars. If Michael had an evil twin this cd woulc be twice as funny. Witty at times, just amazed these clowns stayed in the ring for so long.

  • yikes
    author: jane

    I laughed so hard I coughed up a big wad of phlegm. In fact I laughed so hard I was catapulted to another quantum level in the space/time continuum. The thing that makes this CD nice compared to other phone prank CDs is that Michael Gross is obviously well brought up and even though he is pulling the telemarkter's leg 6 ways from Sunday, he is always respectful, polite and never insulting. Which is probably why he can string them along as well as he can. My favorite track is the one called Noise. Tears are starting to well up in my eyes just thinking about it....

  • Truly hilarious
    author: Rob Lavona

    I can honestly say I haven't laughed so much in my life. This is true comic genius that works on many levels. First, it's just funny to hear Mike dupe these hapless telemarketers with bits that are incredibly clever. Mike played these telemarketers like a fiddle. While all good, my favorites were the "Sick guy" (pretends to be incredibly ill, vomit sounds, but Telemarketer just keeps on going), "Slow Down" (annoyed the heck out of an annoying telemarketer), "Foreign man" (perplexing the Telemarketer with an imaginary friend speaking in a made up language), and "Alien" (he's a completely bizarre, off-the-wall alien). Just writing about these now is making me laugh. On another level, the telemarketers become humanized in almost touching ways (see "Paranoid"). And finally, there is a certain satisfaction in that us non-telemarketers are giving these annoying callers a little come-uppance. I ordered some of these CDs for Christmas presents,and everyone I gave it to had the same reaction as me. This CD would make a great present for any occaision. Thanks Mike for making me laugh so hard.

  • I laughed until I cried
    author: Julie

    This is really a kick. My whole family sat around and listened to it over the Thanksgiving holiday and laughed histerically. Big fun!

  • Your Imaginary Friend
    author: Bill Cuevas-Music Director-KZSU

    Comedy: prank phone call genre except that this time it’s the caller that’s being pranked, the callers in this case being the universally hated telemarketer. Brilliant and side-splittingly hilarious most of the time as Michael Gross takes on various personas and drives the telemarketers to the brink. But in the end its easy to feel for the callers, realizing that they do indeed have a shit job. At one point a caller thanks Gross for being “the most interesting call I’ve had all day”. Its then that you realize how many of the callers are probably on to Gross but are so jaded that they seem oblivious. Regardless, some of these rank up there with the best of the jerky boys etc. Noted tracks: 1) drives the telemarketer nuts by continuing to say “slow down” 2) feigns illness including horrific barfing sounds 4) this one (along with take 2, track 19) is the best: Gross pretends to consult his “friend” in a foreign language that is so hilariously false and made up 7) pretends to be from france, complete with stereotypes and a genuinely duped hic telemarketer 9) rather abstract: the telemarketer asks various questions to which Gross answers with Shakespeare text, strange 11) pretends to be a “songwriter” and ad libs a song based on the telemarketer’s pitch 18) makes annoying sounds and drives the caller crazy 19) see number 4

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