Album Notes

Over the last few years a lot has been going on in my life... some of it fun... some of it not fun at all... but i can look at it all and know that Romans 8:28 is true.

A little over a year ago I was in the midst of what had become a very trying time in my life (I won't bore you with all the details of what was going on). It can simply be summed up as challenges of life in general... parenthood, dealing with my own aging parents, ministry, finances... lot's of people looking at me as someone who is not only supposed to have answers, but as one who is also supposed to be able to solve all their problems (not gonna happen... I found that out).

In the midst of it all, I came under a spiritual attack beyond what I had ever experienced before. As a result I plummeted into an amazingly deep depression.

In my foolishness and pride I found myself bottling it all up. Thinking that my silence was best... because I didn't want to lay any of my personal life burdens on other people.

If you have heard my testimony, you know that many years ago I was on the edge of suicide at one point (miraculously God intervened in an amazing way).

I believed that the stronghold of self destruction was no longer and could not ever become an issue for me again. I was wrong. Those thoughts and feelings came back with a vengeance.

To make a long story short, Tanya (my bride of almost 20 years) was able to see through my facade and by the grace of God had the presence of mind to contact a great friend of mine, who gave up an entire day to simply talk... and walk almost endlessly up and down the streets of downtown Fort Walton Beach with me while I vented.

His recommendation was a "sabbatical." In other words an extended break from ministry.

I was unable to take that route (for loads of reasons), however I did begin to take a week each month to turn off the phone and hide! Hey, if Jesus had to take time away from people for rest, prayer, etc. we need to do it too.

Let me tell ya, it's very challenging to be at the lowest point in your life and do things like funerals... weddings... or simply standing in front of hundreds of people to teach a couple times a week (even harder than standing up and talking... is the studying, preparing, etc).

I know, I know... Right now you might be saying, "Come on James. What were you doing? Ignoring all the stuff in the Bible about rejoicing, giving thanks, etc?"

Nope... I kept at it... which is what kept me from doing something horrible... as I dealt with the depression every day... looking to God... holding onto promises... and doing my darndest to give thanks and to rejoice... slowly light began to break through again.

I thought about journaling during that time, hoping to put into words what I was experiencing.

However, there was no way to do it. No matter how much I tried, it just wouldn't happen. That was strange to me, because I tend to be a guy with a LOT of words.

So... I put down the pen and picked up my guitar.

It had been a loooooong time since I had written any music, so it was like a breath of fresh air for me.

I ordered some new recording software for my Macbook (Logic Studio), picked up an interface to plug my Music Man Petrucci guitar into the computer, put some headphones on and began to record (Also picked up a cheap little midi keyboard to add some texture... like cellos, percussion, using some great instrument samples in Logic Studio).

Basically what I began to do was imagine my life being a movie.

Then I imagined what the soundtrack to that movie would sound like... And then... I began to record.

Some of what came out was beautiful... Some was out of control high speed guitar shred... Other songs were simply sad...

One of the songs "Just Can't Sleep" was written and recorded in the middle of the night while my dad was in Tucson Heart Hospital in November of 2009. It's the most beautiful song on the project (at least to me). It's a song with two meanings.

1) Over and over my dad has been in and out of the hospital with doctors basically telling us to prepare for his death. Over and over, he pulls through. It's as if his body just won't quit. He won't let go (and I'm glad). Regardless of how tough it's been "He Just Can't Sleep" he refuses to give up. The tough part is for all of us who step into the grief process over and over again attempting to prepare for his departure (that's something no one can understand without going through it).

2) During that time, I was dealing with crazy insomnia. Often times only sleeping an hour or two a night for days on end. I had never dealt with that before. Don't know how it happened. I prayed and prayed... did all I knew how to do Biblically (please don't lecture me on what I should have done but didn't), yet no matter what... each night I found myself saying, I "Just Can't Sleep."

Anyway... Each song has a story to tell. I'll share those stories with you on track twelve of the CD which is basically like the directors commentary on a DVD.

Thank you for taking time to read this.

I hope you are blessed by this project.
James
www.JamesFlanders.com