The Great Love Story and Screenplay behind the songs Man Shall Not Live By Sex Alone - CYBER-ROMANTIC ESCAPADES - Colin`s Letter To The Romans - A NeoShakespearean Adult Fairytale - adaptable for stage and screen. A Love Story of almost biblical proportions - based on - Colin`s Letter To The Romans Proudly brought to you by RoXolid Global Mutual A romantic thriller - A private investigator`s fictionalized uncovering of the private lives of some of society`s super-elites! Telescopic SYNOPSIS: A beautiful psychic and
part-time hypno-therapist from Nicaragua, sexually seduces a military rock star of British heritage, takes him on a
journey through an exciting, yet, occasionally rocky relationship, and then
Microscopic Synopsis : Sarah, the Princess of Athenia, introduces her
rockstar fiance Dave, a dreadlocked caucasian whose stage name is Penistasia - to Psychic Dahlia from Nicaragua, with the hope that Dave would become one of her Psychic clients. But Dahlia instead
falls in love with the rock star and steals him from the the Princess. However,
Dave`s constant bursts of jealous rage over Dahlia would eventually drive a
wedge into their relationship.Opening scenes: Dave and Dahlia privately ballroom-dancing to her love-song parody classical piece :Dahlia: You don`t know where/I`m go-o-ing toDave (smiling): Yes, I do!-) Dahlia: How could you tell where I`m go-o-ing to!?Dave: Cuz I`M COMING TOO!!:)) Dahlia: (faking a frown)Oh no! Now GO...cuz I tell thee so!For I`m not thy wife / never in your lifeThat`s when Dave/ got pissed/ and said F - 2 - U/ She said F - U- 2!!!:))))
Chapter 1 - Narrator: H.E. Colin Peter Palmer - Chairman, CEO, Remlap Studios!!!!(a) Performed by: WCI (World Church Interfaith/THE WAY TO HAPPINESS FOUNDATION and an All-Star Puppet Cast!!!
Colin`s Letter To The Romans - regarding his trip to Oregonia - capital of Athenia, home to Dave and Dahlia - addressed to Emperor Mellenezad (His Majesty, King George Alger the First, Supreme Head Of the Great Kingdom of the United States, Canada and Ireland) and ruler-in-exile of the ancient roman empire :
The moon was arisingin the horizon remindful of the daysof MesopotamiaSome called them dummiesothers called them zombies all of which was basedon gross misconceptions`Cause one was a geniusaddicted to Calculusone claimed amnesiaone claimed insomniaone named Aphrodisiacreverent to ZodiacBut one strange thing I noticedThey all were singingjuicy songs of loveThey said: Padda-piddypiddy-lay piddy-laypadda-piddy piddy-lay Scribingly yours, Colin Peter 1679 A.D. He was cautious - however - to omit another song that followed. They (aliens) harbored the belief that all men and women must be proud of (and not ashamed of) whatever god created on and in them. And in the intrinsic value of his command that, In ALL that you do, ACKNOWLEDGE my name!! ALL meaning, 100%. As such, worthy of praise and thanksgiving, hence their contagiously sweet rock 'n' roll song: This dick that I have / the world didn`t give it to meThis dick that i have / the world didn`t give it to meThis dick that I have / the world didn`t give it to meThe world didn`t give itand the world can`t take it away!(I said) This dick (clap! clap!)This dick!(clap! clap!)the world didn`t give it to meI said this dick (pause pause)This dick! (pause pause)the world didn`t give it to me (repeat)As the world didn`t give itso the world can`t take it awayThen the women sang : This pussy that I have...Then: These titties that I have...etc etc until all words of body parts (that "rhymed") were added: (Then came a military-sounding voice):Ask the folks in Hollywood! (united voices sang: The world didn`t give it to me!) Ask the folks in Inglewood(The world didn`t...)Ask the folks even up in Beverlywood..they`ll say the world didn`t give so the world can`t take it away!You can tug on it all you wantHooga-chaka hooga-chaka hoo hoo hooga-chaka!Bug me about it all you wantHooga-chaka hooga-chaka hoo hoo hoo!But the world didn`t give it / so the world can`t take it awayOne..two.. three!Oo oo whee!they can`t take it from me - e - e / (oh no)God gave it to me for free (yea yea)As the world didn`t give itso the world can`t take it away!The serious expressions on their faces as they sang and danced joyfully, has never escaped my mind.
Cyber-Romantic Escapades - Chapter 1(b) - Place: Athenia - Date: December 11th, 1999 - THE FIRST
SEDUCTION - Dave and Dahlia alone in her Psychic room
And it came to pass that on this day, Dahlia the Psychic relates to Dave about a dream she had recently, in which the two of
them were having intercourse together. She then skillfully uses that story to seduce
him. Dave grants her wishes by mounting himself on Dahlia`s nakedness,
and proceeds to "service" her, in perfect synchronization to the
rhythm of a love song, by romantically plumbing the depths of her lower
orifice, much to her satisfaction:
Dahlia : "Rock thou my world, O crazy
cockmonster! Knowest not thou that my soul craveth
for thee? Release thou thy inhibitions, and let the innermost walls of my
clitorical attributes encapsulate the thrust of thy hardened manliness, O
gorgeous cockasoid! She says, sounding more british than ever( definition of Cockasoid: a sexually-charged male - Colin`s Cyber Dictionary ). Fill thou
my female vessel with the sweetness of thy love portion. Fill it - till I
crave no more!"
She begins her story:
The morning came too soon
Before the fading of the moon
Lost in love / a way of love
With pillows on the sunlit floor
No denying / no regrets
I felt love right from the start
And you know love can please a craving heart
So love / steal my heart body and soul
In A Million Ways
'Cause making love is part of being in love
It takes a union of two people
And A Million Ways To Love
I wasn't searching when I met you
Heaven knows this much is true
Your tender touch / your sweet words
Oh the joy they bring
Will you love me
I mean really really love me
Forever love me in A Million Ways
Dave complies with Dahlia`s sexual request; even in his semi-hypnotic state
of mind. As I listened in (eavesdropped), I could hear Dahlia almost ordering that Dave optimizes his sexual performance: Dahlia:
"Why screwest thou me as though thou hast no life in thee?" (she
asks, angrily.) "Know ye not how to please a sex-craving vixen?? Behold, I
am Dahlia - proclaimed Mistress of the Dark and of the Light. So, pound it! I
demand of thee." (Propping herself up with her elbows, for better
elevation and support). "No pongo en mi culo..okay (whispers Dahlia)? Porkeh tu es mucho grande!(giggles). Only pongo in me banotcha okay? No en me nalga - okay, Davey Boy? Just my choocha. Dave: Okay (he answers, in a deep but quiet tone of voice). No en me nalga..okay?Dave: Okay (again, in the same deep but quiet baritone voice) Dahlia: Pound it to a pulp!.... And spare not my flesh, I
command thee!" (she screams).
As I zoomed in the lenses of my spy camera, I could see Dave trying arduously to deliver, with the extra physical support from
Dahlia. The screwmentation goes on - non-stop - for almost three-quarters
of an hour. "Ow!! WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU?!! DIDN`T I TELL YOU NOT TO PUT IT IN THERE??Dave: Oops!! Pardon me..it just slipped by accidentDahlia: Well put it where I told you!Dave complies. Dahlia: Ooh-ooh! ayah yai!!..Ooh ooh... aya yai!! Mamma-miya! Pepper
mucho!!Give it to me..Yes Sir!! Ooh-ooh...aya yai.....!
screams Dahlia over and over again in perfect
Spanglish and, in perfect rythmic sync (4/4 timing..to the max:)))!!) to the
forculational act going on. She writhes - she flinches - she screams,
"Yes! Oh, yes!!! - as the nectar from her juicy nectarine, gently drips
unto the light-blue satin sheets. "Ishakalaka shikalaka!" she screams (first woman to ever speak in tongues at the peak of orgasm. Almost scares the living daylights out of Dave:) )Once the two of them have done their best,
they would lay down - ass to ass - and take their rest.
Chapter 2 - IN THE CASTLE OF THE PRINCESS
PLACE: London, England, August 17th in the year 2000
A female pianist accompanies the Princess (Sarah), as she tells of her strained
relationship with Dave in a song, totally oblivious of the fact that Dahlia is solely
responsible for driving a wedge into her relationship with Dave:
We've been together for quite a while
Destiny has brought us yet another mile
How much longer till our restless hearts unite
Filled with sincerity / secured by nature's might
Suspicions of being unfaithful (has) never been proven
Still we're drifting apart /from a love once great at the start
Time Will Tell / Time Will Tell
Could a match made in Heaven be made again
Time Will Tell
Love was the reason we found ourselves entwined
Captured by a spell which now has made us blind
Whatever the cost to make love fair
I'd be glad to pay my share
Straight from the heart you know I would
Chapter 3 Dahlia alone with Dave on a Romanesque sofa in the psychic lounge
For the second time, Dahlia uses hypnosis to successfully seduce Dave, by
creating images in his mind. Dave comes home one evening from band rehearsals,
as he was about to embark on a worldwide tour with his rock group. Feeling
tired and beastly hungry, he asks Dahlia what`s for dinner. Dahlia then climbs
unto the bare dining table, spreads her legs apart and teasingly replies,
"fresh juicy lettuce and a giant succulent beansprout (snids reference to her clitoris:), just for you!! Bon
appetite:)))!!" she says with a loud giggle (as in, "eat this!")
:))))) Dave is far from amused. He storms into the kitchen, grabs a bag of
french fries and gobbles it all up in a matter of minutes.
Dahlia then attempts to hypnotize Dave in order to sexually seduce him. She
will not take no for an answer.
Note : In this event, two images are created in Dave's mind by Dahlia:
1. She then continues to put Dave under sexually-controlled hypnotic spell
by painting images of Dave and herself flying on a giant, red heart
-shaped object and a red baloon trailing it(with subtle anatomical undertone) - the hypnotic image.
Only this time, Dahlia gets more experimental : As
Dave lays on the couch in a hypnotic state, Dahlia unzips his pants, and slowly
unleashes his sexual "weaponry" - his ""cannon"",
as well as his ""cannon balls" (testicles)". She then proceeds to "oralize"
his ""hardware"" in a frenzy, by blowing his ""pipe"",
while simultaneously squeezing his ""bolus humongous"" (twin
airbags / testicles / balls), with the dexterity of a Scottish Bag-Piper, and with the
resulting melody of sexual pleasure of ooh`s and ah`s emanating from his mouth, as she
"plays" on; ferociously sorculating (blowjobbing) the fuselage of Dave`s
"jumbo jet", with reckless abandon.
Just then, there is a knock on the door, much to Dave`s displeasure. As far
as he is concerned, there could never be a more inopportuned moment. Not when he
is having the moment of his life with the woman he fondly refers to as
"Freaky Miss Daisy...instead of Dahlia, her real name:
Who is that
You can stay out there
for all I care
I`m in a session with my lady
freaky Miss Daisy
I can`t open up the door for you
I`ve got Glossy Fingers
Oh yeah yeah
I`ve got Glossy Fingers
I don`t wish to be disturbed this time of day
I won`t tell you what she asked me to do
`Cause it`s not between me and you
It`s a private affair
One I don`t wanna share
`cause it was only meant for me
I`ve got Glossy Fingers
Disregarding the disturbance, the love making continues. Dahlia then goes down on her knees and performs the lewinsky (dicksuckation)- for the second time - on the rock star:"I
sucketh not thy penile protrusion out of just love, or lust. Oh, no! But out of
a combination there-of, lest these gorgeous lips of mine be looked upon as
lifeless pieces of meat. For indeed it is my belief that love and lust goeth together
like horse and carriage. Alas, my dear stallion, prepare thyself; for I shall
now ride thee straight into the sunset of passion! To screw, or not to screw -
that is the freaking question. And I, Dahlia, shall be damned if I choose not
the former!" Dave (eyes closed and smiling with cyber-romantic acquiescence): - "Well ride Sally ride!!:)"
At which point, she sits her bare self on Dave's "penile hardware", and
proceeds to ride on it savagely, like a wild rodeo. Literally giddyupping
on it like there was no tomorrow. Heee-haaaa!! she screams, as she
rides on it joyfully, all the way to never-never land.
Here we are again in perfect harmony
in a kingdom built on love / just us two
When the wild wind blows
we can never lose our dreams
When the wild wind blows
we can fly on precious wings
FLYING!! in the sky on precious wings of love
FLYING!! to a world where lovers live their golden dreams
FLYING ON PRECIOUS WINGS of love
We're going to a place we've never been before
And way below the sky the morning birds are singing
Chapter 3 b Dave treats Dahlia to a theatrically amusing love poem he entitles, The Female Stranger:
I saw her from across the street
I felt her from across the street
I smelt her as she passed me by on the crosswalk
once the light turned green
Her petite brown-chocolate body
as a rose in the crack of a cold and misty morn
Petite, yet so well-proportioned
The helm of her skimpy miniskirt
could have been no more than an inch or two
away from the tips of her young vaginal lips
If she had as little as bent over
to touch her knee with her pointer finger
all her most private areas
would have in effect lost their privacy
so to speak
My mouth watered
as I entertained wild thoughts
of mutual sexual engagement
between this lady and I
How old could she be
18 at least - I hope
God, how I hope she is 18!
Interestingly enough, that young mini-skirted girl Dave saw in his dream, was the same person, now fully matured and introduced to Dave by Princess Sarah. That girl was in fact Dahlia
Chapter 4 Dave And Dahlia In A Botanical Garden in the outskirts of
- Squabble Ensues Over Dahlia`s alleged Dalliances
Dahlia raises serious concerns over a recent burst of jealous rage by Dave,
and warns him that such behavior was likely to cause a problem in their
relationship. She points out a most recent incident in which Dave tried to pick
a fight with one of her male clients whom he had accused of accepting
"complimentary sexual acts" from Dahlia, an argument that Dave
himself had initiated, by making all kinds of forculatory gestures at
On that occasion, Dave had stormed into Dahlia`s Psychic room unexpectedly, suspicious of
something of a sexual nature going on between Dahlia and a male client. He
noticed that Dahlia and the client were completely shocked to see Dave home so
early. They were both perspiring and out of breath and both were smoking
cigarettes - something which Dahlia would usually only do after engaging in a
sexual act. He also noticed the client`s jacket was crumpled and misbuttoned,
causing the right side of the jacket to be longer than the other. He
immediately accused her of putting her ""vital substance on the open
Market" (prostitution)". The male client, a dimunitive Middle-Eastern fellow named Ali Bahktali, who spoke with a strong foreign
accent, tried to explain to Dave that he was only there to have his future told
:Ali - "Please Sir, I not here to fuckee wiss za lady, Sir....no, Sir! Me, I
only here to askee za lady to tellee forr me za future, Sir...", the poor
guy struggled to explain, in his broken English. But Dave angrily replied:
" I would give not a rat`s ass, nor a donkey`s bols, what be
the purpose of thy visitation. As long as thou sittest in the presence of my
fair lady - within the confines of closed doors - while the elements between
her legs are in plain view - that, alone, beareth justification for some
serious ASS-KICKING which shall transpire, should thou choose
not to remove thyself from our premises immediately!! Thou art barking up the wrong tree, I can assure thee. And each time thou sayest Woof! Woof!, thou shall get a BOOF! BOOF! central to thy face. And when thou wakest up in the morning, thou shall slowly run thy fingers through my knuckle indentations on thy face and ask of thyself: "Self, what art thou? (in a manner remindful of the grimaces of George The Animal Steel:) Of what species have I become??!"
The client still remained defensive of himself and Dahlia. But, by this
time, Dave`s level of tolerance had reached an all time low as he began to spew out a barrage of insults at the client:
"Screw thee,thou termite! Thou bloody nitwit! Thou piece of malformed
fungus erroneously characterized as human!! (said Dave loudly.)
Yessirrr...fungus Sir!!! concurred the client.
Hush! Dave barked: I am not done yet!!
Yessirr / Yessir! The client responded.
Dave continues:Thou pinhead! Thou dickless Cockerspaniel! Thou worse than
roasted chitlings! Thou shameless pee-on! Thou piece of flushable
unmentionable! Thou stinking elephant`s butt. Thou rotten egg-induced fart!
Thou miserable son of a female german shepherd!! Thou pathetic remnant
of an experimental mishap!! Thou half-cooked turkey on a Thanksgiving table!
Thou pitiful bolsless monkey!! (Dave remorsefully recalls screaming at the
client.) "Why goeth not thou into the streets and find thyself some female freakasoidal
sex-peddler to screw around with? Thou effing S.O.B.!! Screw thee...screw
thee...screw thee!!!" (using his middle finger, fist, and thrusting
pelvis, to emphasize the point). His every sentence/phrase/insult requiring a
different kind of posture, as though examining the client from a
critic`s point of view. Walking around him at times...sometimes with both
closed fists on his hips...with the pomposity of a King....stopping suddenly on occasion to
examine the client`s face pretty closely....zooming in on his face...so to
Dave: I shall now take a circumspective view of thy ugly face, he advises
the client, as he proceeds to "examine" him from various angles.
Yessirr...yessirr... was Ali`s usual response. "ugly face sirr!
Dave: "And the key of ""F"" major to you too (cyber-linguistics to fuck you)!!" But the
client just won`t stop arguing with Dave.
Dave: (Really losing his cool) What part of ""fuck you"" does thou
not understand?" (He asked degradingly of the poor
fellah......"...the f-u-c-k or, the y-o-u??" Client: (Totally out of
his marbles at this time)"Za..za... f-u-c-k Sir. Za f-u-c-k ...or...or...OR..za
vy-o-u sir....I...I not underrrstand anysink sir!!!!!(the poor guy stutters). Dave:
Oh shut thy ugly mouth...thou cross-eyed mongoose!!! Thou art so lost...so
disillusioned..so far off base..so pitifully malcentered (cyber dictionary link
to definition)- it appears as if thy medulla oblongata could not be any farther
away from thy brain....thou non-operative..beyond spiritually salvageable
thetan (as opposed to an Operable Thetan..see cyb dict for definition)
"Take this - "BOOOOOFF !!!(Dave lands an uppercut left jab to the
client`s right cheek, spinning him approximately 180 degrees from his original
standing position. "Now - how about that for a physical interpretation of FUCK YOU?
(Dave asks the client, sarcastically.) Client: Yessirr!
The client has now suffered an hour-long of interrugation by Dave, and
reached out to take a sip of the drink Dahlia had poured him before the start
of their Psychic session. But Dave quickly steps his foot on the client`s hand,
causing the drink to spill on the floor. The client, unable to sustain his
thirst anymore,says to Dave, "Please sirr, can I have somessink to drink?
I am verry verry thirrsty sirr." DAVE: I shall not give thee JACK!...SHIT THAT IS!! Diddly squat! (Says Dave in a soft but still forceful tonality.)
"Not even the sweat off my bols!!!" (Dave`s voice sounding guttural and laced with
anger). Client: "Yessirrr..okay sirr...yessirr...no prrroblem sirr!"
Dave: Now, I shall ask you this: Did Dahlia give you any sexual instructions..like
touching any part of her body?" "No sir..no sir" replied the
client, complying with Dahlia`s secret gestures urging him to deny it. Dave:
"If thou lieth to me, I shall smash thy face beyond recognition.
Understood?" CLIENT: "Yessir..yessirr.. okay sir - I tellee for you
za troot sir....za whole troot...nossing buttee za troot sirr!: She tellee to
me, "touchee my titty...touchee my peepee...touchee my...my (stuttering) whooshy-whooshy sir (ancient Japanese slang for clitoris:) )...!
(stuttering)An` zen..an` zen she say, you licky forr me, I sucky forr
you". Dave: Ah! I`ll be darned! Clitlickation and dicksuckation,
huh?!"(his anger mixing with ridicule).
DAHLIA: (covering her mouth and screaming out loud) Puta madre! La grande puta!!(she curses at Ali).
I said no such thing!! That`s a freakin` lie...you bastard!!" DAVE (to
Dahlia): " Oh please...spare me the deception! I am all too familiar with
thy vocabulary.. It sounds plausible enough. I believe him. Client: (rubbing
it in to save his skin) Yessirrr..it iz za troot sir! "Cerrar la boca
cabron! Ponga la boca en su culo! Pinche perro!!(bellowed Dahlia, in her broken Spanish). But the poor guy could not
comprehend a single word of Spanish while sober - much less in his now inebriated state. He kept on talking. Running his "boca" so to speak. Dahlia: "Shut your mouth, pedarast!! (Russian expletive)"
Client: (shaking his head and waving his pointer finger rapidly) "No..Me
no pedarast..your daddy pedarast!..your daddy passionehwhee!!"()" replied the
client, surprisingly understanding Russian language).Your mazzar AND your fazzarr......"
"Quiet!!" Dave yelled, before the client would finish his statement.
"I will not have you talk to my fair Lady in such a manner!!" Client:
(going back to the accusation) "iT IZ TRUE, SIRR! Zat iz exacky-teely (exactly) vot she
tellee to me sirr!" DAVE (to client) "Granted...but did you follow
her instructions? Did you touch her? " CLIENT: (eyes darting back and
forth from Dave to Dahlia) "No sir..I not touchie anyssink sir. I not
touchie za bitch sirr!" Dave: (poising to demolish the client`s face for
using the proverbial "B" word) "What?? Did thou just call my lady the capital "B" word??
" Oh no sirr!! Sorry sirr!" Dave: (guardedly relieved that
it was probably just a slip of tongue) "I thought..!! (responds Dave with an angry chuckle) As if to say, "you
wouldn`t dare!" Client:" I..I..tellee to za lady I not vont to touch anysink because I am afraid
boyfriend vill get angry wiss me sir." "Fiance!" (snapped Dave
in correction.) "Yessirrr..yessir..fiance sirr" (responded the client as he
protected his face, thinking Dave was about to deliver another Tyson Special to
his face.) But Dave was merely gesturing with his hands while speaking, as
usual. DAVE: I shall ask you one last time: Did you touch any part of her like
she requested? (Dahlia secretly gestured to the client to say no.) "No sir!
Abbee-so-lu-teelee no sir!"(responds Ali). Dave: Wow! Thou speaketh now in collegiate
language! Impressive! Absolutely huh? CLIENT: Yessir..abbee-so-lu-teely no
sir..I not touchee nossing sir (he said confidently). Dave: Very well then. I shall
examine thy hand. He seized the client`s hand and examined it and realized the
client`s fingertips were all "nice and glossy" ! Anger visibly
swelled in Dave. "Why you dirty twisted double-tongued primate!! How dare
you lie to me? Take this..hiyyyaaaaahhhh!!!!: Dave expertly delivered a kung-fu
sidekick to the clients groin area, causing him to bend over and moan in pain.
"Ouchee..ouchee..ooh..ooh..ouchee..ouchee ooh..ooh!! Yessir yessir! No
morr sirr..pleezee no morr sirr! cried the client, as he cupped his balls with
both hands to protect them from further assault. Dave: That should teach you a
valuable lesson thou ugly monkey!!" Client: Yessirr..yessirr!
CLIENT: (trying desperately to argue with Dave): "Please
sirr...you not underrrrstand...I esplain forrr you...Me,..(Dave angrily
interrupts him)"Pardon me.." says Dave, somewhat sarcastically - ...
since when did an imbecile earn the right to even talk back to an intellectual
such as I ??!!" The poor client was too dumbfounded to even figure out how
to respond. Note: The test of the client`s self esteem has begun.
"Pardon also (Dave continues) my candid observation that the degree of
thy intellect is so low - so lilliputian - so minuscule - it would require the
help of a microscope to discern it !!! Taking it closer, thou art so
ugly-looking even a baboon will take offense at the mere mention of your name
in tandem with his!! Dave then brought his nose a little closer to the client.
: I shall now take a whiff of thee, he said. (he sniffs out the client a couple
of times. "Thou stinketh!! He remarks. "Yessirr...stinky stinky
sirr!! Responded the client (sniffing his own armpits). "Stinky stinky
indeed", Dave agreed. Let me take a look at thy attire. Yessirr! the
client responds. Dave looks up and down at the client`s crumpled and unmatched
suit. "Thy jacket seems as though it was handed over to you in a
hurry", said Dave observedly. "Yessirr...yessirr..." agrees the
client. "I tellee forr you vhot happen: I has anozzer jacket - a betterr
von", explains the client. "But my barrrazzar - za _ mazzar fackar -
he takeee my jacket - he sell it to buy kirrack sirr. "Your what...? your
barrazzar? Poopology! Pure poopology!!(Dave exclaims). "What meanest thou
by the word "barrazzar? No such word in the English lexicon!!. "
Dahlia: "He means his "brother!!". "Shhhhhh...I SPEAKETH
NOT TO THEE!", replied Dave to Dahlia strongly. "Why deridest thou my
client...how dare thee!!!????(screams Dahlia defensively). "A fool he is
and I shall minimize him to nothingness!(replies Dave, determinedly).
"Continue!" he said to the client. "Yessirr!! the timid fellow
replied. So, I askee to my barrazar - I say - "barrazar, pleezee, tellee
forr me zis: Vhy you selleee my lezzar jacket to kirrack-house and vhy you
takee za money - twenty dallar - to buy kirrack to seemoke (smoke)..I say pleezee
tellee to me vhy you makee za tirrouble (trouble) forr me like zis, brazzar?...I vont to
know. But my barrazar - he not say nossing. I askee to him again, barrazar, vhy
you not answer forr my question? My brrazzar he say...."
"Oh, be quiet (Dave interrupted). "I shall hear no more about that
crackhead brother of yours!!" Dave barked. "Yessirr--yessirr -
replied the client hurriedly. ..."And kiss my big brown eyes, for crying
out loud!!!" Dave added. The client misunderstood Dave. He puckered up with eyes closed,
and attempted to kiss Dave`s left eye. Dave threw a left jab unto the client`s
face. "Figurative expression, thou fool! (Dave shouted with the pomp of a
King. )"Yessirr yessirr" the the fellow responded, nervously rubbing the area of
his face where Dave`s punch had landed.
Dave: Come hither! (he commanded the fellow). Bring thy face a little
closer! (the client shockingly complies in his already-destroyed self esteem).
Dave then thrust his big right fist into the client`s face, sending him
straight across the room. The angry-tyson punch was so severe, it measured 9.5
on the "facial impact scale" (if there`s ever such a thing:))). 10.0
of course, being the strongest! You say "Poof be gone", I say it was
more like Booffff be gone....because BOOF!!!!! was the
sound that emanated as Dave`s bare knuckles "collided" with the
client`s face! "Get off thy butt and come hither again!" Dave barks.
The client, dazed as ever does exactly that. To say that he "walked back
towards Dave" will be an outright exaggeration. He STAGGERED his way back
to Dave, his ego already totally shattered by Dave`s wave of insults. He (the
client) was so confused, he could not tell his left from his right; his ass
from his elbow. Standing in front of Dave again, he receives further command:
Dave: "Stand here, donkey!!"
Client: (apparently totally lost in time and space) "Yesssirr...donkey
sirr....hee-haw...haw-hee haw-hee...hee-haw (client acting exactly like a
donkey on his knees)!!!!" Dave`s eyes clearly reveals his state of shock.
Someone please dart this miserable creature with a tranquilizer for goodness
sake!! Exclaimed Dave. "Yessirrr!...goo...goo...goooonessee saykee sirr!!
"Silence!!" Dave commanded loudly. His patience waring thin.
"Yessirrr!" was the client`s reply.
Dave : (rather observedly - ) "Thy mother and thy father must have
begotten you during a moment of public frivolity - rather than a private
attempt to procreate!
Client: Yessirr...prro...pro..prrocrreatee...(the poor guy stutters in an
effort to pronounce the word)!!
Dave: Oh hush thy mouth - for thou speaketh slush (Dave barked)".
"Yes Sirrr...slusheeee sirr! concurred the "imbecile".
Dave: No. Not slushee! That`s SLUSH...as in two stages below gibberish!!
Now, take thy middle finger and stick it up your nose!!
Client: "Yesssirrr ....yessirr!! My middell fingerrrr sirrr!!" He
then shockingly takes his middle finger and sticks it up his own nostril - but
not before he had guessed without success for over a dozen times which one was
in fact, his middle finger....his first guess was his pinkie...then he showed
dave his thumb...back to his pinkie...then the pointer..etc...etc....much to
Dave: I`ll be darned!!!...just like I thought! (He
exclaimed)...a Neanderthal in our midst!! He says of the client. After the
humiliation, he then grabbed the client by the back of his neck, and literally
kicked him out the door - one big left foot, right where the sun shineth not -
much to Dahlia`s chagrin - And, with the words: "I can now see why even
thy own family members would have nothing to do with thee!!Let it be known from
here-on and henceforth, that thou art nothing but a pooh-pooh with a capital
P!! Understood??" "Yes sir! yessirr!!!..." agreed the client.
"..Poo poo sir. Poo poo wiss..wiss.. err....poo poo wit err..capital vhot
sirr? Sorry sir... I not rememberr za EXACT letterrr sirrr."!! The
Client`s facial expression was, as always, a pitiful combination of fear and
stupidity. Ali was also cautious enough to conceal the fact that Dahlia had in fact lap-danced on him singing an Indian song she jokingly made up herself using only Indian-sounding words, since she could not speak the language: Dahlia: Buchini yea buchini Ali responds: Hiley hiley hay!!Dahlia: Macadu yea macadu Ali: Hiley hiley hay!:)Dahlia: Buchini and Dickaroo Ali: Hiley hiley hayDahlia: simply just want to kissaroo Ali: Hiley Hiley Hay! Dahlia: But not so with Booty-LooAli: Hiley Hiley Hay Dahlia: she just wants to fuckarooAli: Hiley Hiley Hay Dahlia: After she gets fuckedarooAli: Hiley Hiley HayDahlia: she then goes on to wiperooAli: Hiley Hiley HayDahlia: But not so with BuchiniAli: Hiley Hiley HayDahlia: she goes on to walkarooAli: Hiley Hiley HayDahlia: Then she will start to hopperooAli: Hiley Hiley Hay Dahlia: pretty much like a kangaroo !:)Ali: Hiley Hiley HayThe phrase "macadu yea macadu" turns out to be of ancient Hindu origin, meaning, "You go girl!!:)The two would then repeat the sweet melody by imitating the flute of a snake charmer. They would then dance around the psychic room as Ali follows closely behind Dahlia, alternating one palm of his hand to the back of his head and the back of the other just above his waist in perfect timing . "Ancient Indian dancing!" he mused.
Dahlia scolded Dave for "assticulating" himself out of nothing at
all. (Definition of "assticulating" - making a fool or an ass of
one`s self - Cyber Dictionary. Note: You must emphasize on the "ass-"
in order for the word to sound more effective. Let the sibilance drag on a
little bit longer, to drive home the point).
Dave, however, tried to justify his behavior to Dahlia, by blaming it all on
the "uncontrollable love" he harbors for her:
We`ve been together a while
and we`ve come another mile
you 'n' me baby
I wonder how much longer
till you love me stronger (oh girl)
Should you ever put my love on trial
I bet there`ll be no cause for deniallack of evidenceShall prove my innocenceAnd the judge will read the verdict/an overwhelming decision!!
I`ll be GUILTY of loving too much
GUILTY of loving too much
I`m addicted to your touch
I`ll be GUILTY of loving too much
I wish there`ll come a time
when we`ll walk down the aisle
You 'n' me baby
We`ll do it all with pride
with dignity and style (oh girl)
Should you ever put my love on trial
I bet there`ll be no cause for denial
I`ll be GUILTY of loving too much
GUILTY of loving too much
I`m addicted to your touch
I`ll be GUILTY of loving too much
H.E. Colin - Narrator - "And then, to boot, the rock star made a vow:
` Promise I`m never gonna leave you
or ever try to deceive you
Let`s stay together forever
Baby till the end of time!
Chapter 5 Attempts To Spoil Wedding Plans
Dahlia proposes to Dave, instead of the other way around. And Dave willingly
But on the day before their wedding, Dave receives a phone-call from a man
named Jeff, who identifies himself as a former client and love interest of
He claims that Dahlia had a sordid past - a history of bizarre behavioral
According to Jeff, Dahlia used to start her day with a freaky, early morning
ritual. Jeff claims that after taking her shower, Dahlia would bend
over, butt-naked in front of a full-sized mirror, to rub olive oil on her butt,
while singing :
"Shine! / Shine! / Shine! / I`m Gonna Let My Little Ass Shine
Shine it in the morning/ Shine it in the evening/ Shine it in the noon-time
And, that her voice would get louder and louder, as the
"ass-rubbing" assumed more frenzied proportions. The louder she sang,
the faster and more feverishly she would rub her butt (says Jeff). And, for a grande
finale, Dahlia would slowly walk around a burning scented candle, while
carefully balancing a rose petal in the crack of her butt as a good-luck
charm that she believed would guarantee her any man she desired.
As if that were not shocking enough , Jeff goes as far as saying that
Dahlia`s "full service" psychic package offered to her male clients,
also included: "High-gloss facial squats" with clit-syrup hot wax, which she would routinely dispense by
hovering herself above the client`s face, like in a drive-thru car wash, which
she guaranteed would leave her male client`s face all "nice and
shiny". It sounds like Jeff is really speaking from past personal experience.
But by this time, Dave had really had enough, and was about to hit the roof.
Dave would not have anyone disrespect the love of his life, in any manner,
no matter what. Besides, he even suspects that Jeff (who is as drunk as a skunk
when he makes this phone call), is nothing but an opportunistic alcoholic, and
is making up this ridiculous story in order to either destroy his relationship
with Dahlia , or, simply to ride on Dave`s own celebrity status, by selling
this juicy story to the tabloids. After all, who, in the world would not like
to know about a famous rock star whose psychic girlfriend was screwing her
Dave : "Heed thou my warning!!! If thou leaketh even as little as a single
word about this bloody nonsense to the freakin`tabloids - I swear - I shall sue the freakin`pants
off thy behind!! And, for a pretty penny!!"
Jeff (defiantly and with sarcasm): "Well, a "pretty penny" is all you
shall get; for I shall file for Dicklomatic Immunity (legal protection against
financial screwmentation - Cyber Dictionary. Syn. bankruptcy)"
Dave : "Very well then - mark my word - thou idiot of an earthling. You
shall be sitting on a hot wet towel by the time my Lawyers get through with thine
ass, or my name is not Dave Mountbatten,thou sorry-ass emblem of human
Dave is so furious with Jeff, that he calls him three derogatory
nomenclatures, all in a single sentence: A "deranged degenerate",
an "effing dickrovite" (which is Cyberlinguistics for a
son-of-a-b***ch) and, worst of all, he calls Jeff a "third generation
baboon". Interestingly enough, Jeff does not seem to mind being called
any of these things:) Perhaps he is too drunk to get emotional or, to even feel the least
offended. As a matter of fact, the more Dave cursed at him, the more dirty
details Jeff would reveal about Dahlia's so-called 'History', including an
alleged involvement with a very notorious Fuckshire County transvestite by the
name of Bolsa Chica (snide dual references to "chick with bols" or a "nickel bag"), whom, he says, used to bring her weed to smoke.
Dave, however, is not prepared to believe Jeff `s story even though Jeff is
able to accurately describe a tattoo on a certain private area of Dahlia`s
body, visible only to anyone she must have been intimate with. Equally as hard
to swallow, is Jeff`s shocking revelation that Dahlia is, by all accounts, a
former high school Teacher-turned-Stripper-turned Psychic. Supposedly, a
Teacher of English Literature. which, perhaps best explains why Dahlia
possesses such a knack for Neo-Shakespearean eloquence. Unlike Dave, whose own
flair for Neo-Shakespearean oratory stems from his long relationship with
Princess Sarah. "But how on earth is it possible for Dahlia to have such
a strange three-tiered life cycle?" Dave asks himself, even though he
himself could not help but notice that Dahlia`s command of the English
Language seems well above an ordinary Psychic; and, that her propensity for
lewd exhibitionism seems way beyond that of a novice female of vulgarity.
Extremely suspicious of Jeff, Dave requests a background check on him. It
turns out that Jeff, in fact, was a unsuccessful 70's musician, who once wrote a
terrible song called "Cock-a-by-Lady On A Tree Top"- a song
considered so vulgar during the 70's, that no radio station at the time would
even dare to play it. The background check also revealed that Jeff once
moonlighted as a Dick-monger, selling sexual "services" to rich,
lonely and penilo-centric (dick-oriented) old ladies. But, so much for Jeff 's own history:)
Jeff`s Song in its entirety:
Cock-a-by Ladyon the tree-top
When the wind blows
her booty will rock
When the bough breaks
like crispy cornflakes
down falls the lady
booty and all!!:)))
As far as Dave is concerned, he is not prepared to let anything get in the
way of his marrying Dahlia. Not even the ""scandalous and fucked-uply
ridiculous"" allegations of Jeff the "Dickrovite".
Nevertheless, he still confronts Dahlia regarding these new allegations and
not only does she deny knowing any rude songs, she even claims that she has
never met anyone by the name of Jeff. Furthermore, Dahlia vehemently disavows
ever participating in any multi-clitonous (sexual activity involving several women / lesbianic) orgical
parties, marked by excessive clit-lickation without licker's license,
and random acts of pseudo-penilation ( dildoism).(Says Dave in the words of a powerful rock song poetry):It is based on common knowledgethat thou hast been cheating on meI ask myself why should this beIs the pleasure worth the painCan our lovelight ever shine again[Tell me] How many timeshave you shared my loveHow many times have you lied to meLet me knowI need to know What have I done to deserve thistainted and diluted loveIn the presence of the sky aboveyou keep giving me a verbal tour de France (long,twisted or indirect response, usually meant to deceive - Colin`s Cyber Dictionary). Continues the rock star:It takes my mind back to those dayswhen we savored our heart`s delightromantic moments in the moonlightCan we live those days againCan we kiss in the rain again??
Of all the sexual events that Dave has confronted Dahlia
with, none infuriates him more than the one involving Ali Bahktali, the client
who claimed to have a "brazzar (brother) who smokes crack:)) Says Dave to Rachel during
Dahlia`s brief absence from their living room: "Every blood cell in me still
cringes at the mere thought of that orangutan Bahktali rubbing his filthy
hands on my fair lady`s peeware" (genitalia - Colin`s Cyber
The argument continues nevertheless, throughout most of the day, until
Rachel intervenes for the sake of peace and quiet. Dahlia lightens up the mood upon returning to their livingroom
with yet another of her rude and hilarious parodies: "Reach Out And FUCK somebody`s
Ass...Make this world a better place..If you can!:))" Dave and Rachel would
struggle very hard to conceal their giggles until Dahlia walks away, but just could not help it. One could
still hear her singing loudly as she climbs up the stairs to their bedroom.
Says Dave to Rachel: "A great Actress and Comedian she would sure make,
but for her profound and unglorified rudeness. Or is she?" Dave and Rachel would both
shrug in helpless wonder. (The argument goes on upstairs between Dave and Dahlia) Dahlia to Dave: "...And should`st thou continue to talk down to me like that Davey Boy, I swear - there shall be no matrimonio! Nada nada! Only TRASHIMONIO! (the brazen Dahlia threatened - clapping her hands loudly - spanking the side of her hip while poking fingers in Dave`s face as usual). .. for I shall throw all my bridal attires in the trash!! EN LA BASURA!!" A true wake-up call for the hyper-ventillating rock star:).
Dave calms down, as he begins to dress-up for the bachelor`s eve party
being given by his musician friends, featuring Private Dancer Lady Sonora -
"a/k/a The Dildocentric Nymphomaniac".
Chapter 6: THE BACHELOR`S PARTY
In a secret hideaway up in the hills of Monaco, Lady Sonora electrifies Dave
and his musician friends, with her erotic peformance, accompanied by her
signature tune entitled, "Doing My Thing/Minding My Thing", as she skillfully toys
with a psuedo-penile object (dildo or, dilly, in Cyber Linguistics) while the reggae/hip-hop song fills the room:
Strange feeling gets me everytime I close my eyes
one that really makes me feel I am captured right in Paradise
Temptations of the night carry on through the daylight
while a voice inside my head whispers to me
I wanna hold you
wrap my arms around you
Let me squeeze ya "n" tease ya
But I keep Doing my thing - my own thing
Her performance then assumes a more frenzied proportion, Jamaican style):
Doing My T'ing
Doing My Ting
Everybody knows me like to do my ting
Me ah go do it in da mornin'
ah go do it in da night
Take me lickle dilly an' shove it outa sightAnd "shove" she did!
(The crowd goes wild and whistles endlessly)
Chapter 6b Dave Has Wet Dreams About DahliaSong (by a female voice similar to Dahlia`s)- as he hears it in the dream:Sunrise brightens the horizonin the presence of the moonThere`s got to be a reasonAngels, be with us on our waySpread thy wings to guide usso we don`t go astray Maybe just you and Igetting signals from the skyHow far are we goingWhat`s the limitChorus: We are sailing beyond the naked world where there`s no sadnessno trouble or painIt`s the perfect place for making loveAll our inhibitions washed away by the rainbeyond The Naked World
Chapter 7- THE WEDDING OF DAVE AND DAHLIA - The Bells Of Monaco toll The
Wedding Couple A throng of guests - from top luminaries including the Prince of Monaco and all the great scribes of Israel and Ireland - Croatia and Romania - to hangers-on and wannabies - descend upon the beautiful city of Monaco to bear witness to the great occassion. Dahlia`s own partial Guest List included the likes of:Pashtawi - the Nebulous Freakasoid from the Kingdom Of Showa, whose propensity to sexually engage two men simultaneously, earned her the nickname "The Double Dutchess"!:)Considered nebulous because she is always accompanied by an attendant spraying white mist on her wherever she goes. Making her real identity mysterious. Even the men that she has ever made love to would swear they have never seen her face, as she only makes love covered in white smoke. Considered one of the wierdest spirits of our sexual neo-cosmos. High Spirits powerful enough to see her face, describe her as tall with long slender legs, fair-skinned, extremely gorgeous with the eyes of a tiger.Ginsha,the High Priestess of Madrona and a descendant of CleopatraKijack,the Female Monster - a 6foot 2 inches mountain of a lady with enough meat on her back that will put many a giant walrus to shame. Hence the name "Kijack" meaning, a human walrus. Walrus on two legs Zania, estranged sibling of Neffatiti and Heir Apparent of GoombaylandBolsa Chica, the weed-smoking hermaphroditeWillimina - oldest daughter of Willie The Pervert of SodomiaJacoby - youngest son of Jason The Crook of Fiducia (pronounced "fee doo shia)Gayo, the 14th son of Dingiswayo of ZululandAdrian The EunochSeejay - son of Colin The Terrible of Salonica and Grandson of Samuel the Government Printer of Aberdeenea, and great-grandson of Frederick of KentAlphonzo - third husband of FigarroEbenezer, a 5th cousin - twice removed - of Nebukadnezzar Not a single fellow Psychic of Dahlia would show up, though some r.s.v.p.`d. Also visibly absent from the wedding are the world`s biggest twins from the Island of Samoa: Mount Penny-Toobo and Monte-Negro. Though both ladies rsvp`d, they were asked to get off the bus on which they were traveling to the wedding, in order to make room for 12 more passengers - much to Dahlia`s disappointment. It is well-known within the circles of Dahlia`s former high-school mates that she routinely befriended big strong girls for protection against fellow schoolmates she would regularly offend by her mouthiness and teasing. Once, as the story has it, a whole crowd of schoolmates she had offended were waiting outside of school grounds to kick her butt - literally:) It was a well-known fact that when this skinny little junior high school kid was seen running across the school fields at the rate of a hundred miles an hour with at least a ten yard lead ahead of her angry female pursuers!:))- half of the story would already have been known: That Dahlia must have teased someone or most times - a whole group of girls at least 2 or 3 grades higher than she was:) - and was now being pursued by the offended!:) The other have being , "what did she say this time? Who did she just call some offensive name? What parody did she just sing to piss someone of...etc etc:) Little skinny Dahlia, as she was in her highschool days, had gone into the ladies restroom and peeped into every occupied cubicle while singing: Deep and wide / Deep and wide / There are fountains flowing Deep and Wide (a snide reference to the girls sitting on the throne easing themselves:). All the while doing rude booty dances to emphasize her x-rated reference: hand motions...butt-squats...knees crisscrossing etc etc:))!. As the angry mob waited outside, there came Dahlia being carried on Kijack`s back, through the crowd, as she stuck her tongue out to further piss-off those she had offended. And as the two of them (Dahlia and Kijack) stormed past the angry mob, it was as though nothing majorly scandalous had just taken place in the school`s confines. For Dahlia (still on Kijack`s back engaged in a series of "Granny jokes" with Kijack. Kijack to Dahlia: "Your granny is so old, she doesn`t even have a last name!:))! Dahlia to Kijack: Well, your granny is so old, she`s been over the hill five times already; and folks had to tell her, "please don`t come back now`hear??!!:))))Kijack: "Well, my dear, your granny is so ancient, Abraham (bilblical) divorced her ass when she was only nineteen!!!..And we`re talking OVER FIFTEEN HUNDRED YEARS AGO!:)))) Dahlia: Your granny gets so much on people`s nerves, she went to the cemetery to visit her dead sister, and her dead sister told the other dead folks: "TELL THAT BITCH I`M NOT HERE!!!" :)))Kijack: "Let me see...well, your granny is so old, her birth certificate was written on a scroll!! It says, "Date Of Birth - twelve hundred B.C. ! Species: Unknown!!!:))) :))And Kijack herself, laughed so hard at her own joke, a bubble of snort blew out of her nose by accident:)) Everyone was scared of all three of Dahlia`s big-boned lady friends, notably, Kijack, Mount Penny-Toobo and Monte Negro a/k/a Umbra and Penumbra. So-called by their schoolmates because it was often said that these twins (with a total combined weight of 950lbs)- when standing face-to-face - would cause great shadowy darkness to befall the entire western hemisphere!:))Dave`s Partial GuestList - top dignitaries, entertainment industry heavyweights, fellow Rockmates from all over the world - including the likes of Unscrupulous Anonymous a/k/a John M (famous for his killer comedic rock songs such as,"2q + 2q = 4q2" - the world`s first algebraic rock song):I went there to learn algebra But all she did was show me her bra I was sitting there learning bloody nothingwhile she was busy flashing legs and thing:)Then she had the guts to ask meshe said , "2Q PLUS 2Q is what?"This was all that I could say: I said: 2q + 2q equals 4Q2!That`s right!:2q plus 2q = fuck you too!!:)It`s called, "Advanced Algebra!!Yeah yeahAdvanced Alegebra!!:)) As well as The hilarious rock song, The Law Of Diminishing Vaginal Returns (Advanced Economics): "The less money a man makes the less pussy he`s gonna get Does anyone wanna bet? Then bring it on / Yeah! I read it in a book in school and I`m not an Economics fool It`s called The Law Of Diminishing Vaginal Returns!:)) Other world famous artists such as Non-Genius (known especially for the power-rock song, "Please Don`t Call Me A Genius""I have had my own share of tribulationmuch more than I care to mentionFrom financial, to things more confidentialBut still I made it through." As well as hilarious song, "Cock-a-doodle-doo Is Not A Dirty Word!:)The Notorious Vicious Kaynine a/k/a "Mean Doggy Brown" - the rocker whose killer hiprock Rap song "One On One With You" rocks the world of video-games - from his album titled, Dickeronomy Chapter 1 !:): It was half-past nineon a cold winter`s nighta cute young lady came into sight Well-groomed hairbraided in pinkI didn`t know what else to thinkSo I said:Hey...Poodle...what do you sayThis dogmonster wants to get with youHey poodle tell me..what do you sayI`d like to get it on with youI wanna get One On One With You I wanna get my freaky-dicky thing on youYeah - One On One With YouGorgeous caninewould you be minecan you let our lovelight shineas we do the things freaky lovers doWould you like to come undone with me". Goes the hilarious lyrics of another, titled, Dickmentality:Why does this thing between my legs keep pulsatingto the point where it starts vibratingNothing but the Dickmentality in meI keep imagining upskirt flirtations/ while rude babes are giggling/ begging me to chase them to see what they are wearingunderneath their bright-colored dresses!!:)Nothing but the dickmentality in me The Wedding party Gate-crashers List:Jeff, The Dickrovite (Cyberlinguistic for a "son-of-a-bitch") and Ali, the unbelievable intruder - the so-called twisted Punjabi Middle-Easterner.
In a lavish ceremony, Dave and Dahlia joyfully exchange their vows, in the
presence of a huge gathering of guests from the entertainment and modeling
As the couple and their maids and groomsmen march out of the cathedral, one
female guest reaches out and attempts to hug Dave; but Dahlia jealously pushes
her away, and proceeds to hold a tighter grip of Dave's arm, as they continue
marching on along the aisle. After all, Dahlia considers this day as the greatest day of her
life. A Princess for a day! A psychic to the rich and famous, now married to a
very popular rock star! Dahlia "Daisy-Lou" Sanchez - alias, Maria Wantanamerra - is now officially, Mrs. Dahlia Mountbatten.
Note: The song begins to play right at the start of the procession leaving
You're just what I've been praying for
That special love to call my own
Until the day you came / life to me was like a masquerade
without a song or a band being played
You said we've only just begun
You called yourself the lucky one
That you've found in me sweet love
one that runs deeper / even more / than any love you've ever had before
My Favorite Word Is Love / My Favorite Word Is Love
Of all the things you say / to me everyday
love makes my heart and soul complete
Yes I know it's plain to see
My Favorite Word Is Love
Note: The second verse of this song has been deliberately omitted for this
scene, as her dream of getting married is now being realized. It is replaced
with a surprise pipe-organ rendition of Colin Peter Palmer's ultra-dramatic
musical masterpiece, "A Fairytale Wedding", excellently performed by
none other than the maestro himself.
The newly-wedded couple and their entourage would then exit the cathedral, and are
immediately swamped by a large pool of paparazzi eager to capture the Kodak
moment to which Dave and Dahlia would graciously oblige. Notwithstanding that,
Dave's Lawyer and Publicist had cautioned him to expect some grueling
questions from certain reporters, regarding Dahlia's alleged infidelity and,
that he should remain taciturn in the event, allowing his Publicist to field
all such related questions.
And, true to form, one ruthless Reporter begins to grill Dave about the
bizarre sexual allegations regarding Dahlia. Just then, his angry Publicist
fires back by appropriately quoting the words of Colin, the Neo-Shakespearean:
"What-so-ever thou gleaneth not from a horse's mouth, thou shalt
glean from a cow's behind! (Simply put, less than first-hand information is
usually a load of bullshit:)"
Completely taken aback by the Publicist's unexpected verbal preparedness,
the ruthless Reporter immediately retreats, feeling emotionally castrated
and debolsified, leaving behind the well-intentioned remnants of Reporters,
who are determined to simply enjoy the happy returns of the day, from a
The Wedding Reception
At an elaborate wedding reception held at the fabulous Cherry-Grove Castle -
floating dome-shaped white structure surrounded by the Mediterranean Sea, Dave
gives a very short speech in which he unreservedly refers to Dahlia as his
"appetizer, main course and, dessert, till the end of time";
triggering a round of applause from the crowd of well-wishers.
Dave then chooses a beautiful rock ballad, "Second To None",
penned by songwriter extraordinary, 7Scribe7, and performed live by
his fellow musicians of the rock group, Non-Genius And Friends . After which, an ever-memorable song of Dennis Rousauss, "Trying To Catch The Wind", romantically steals the midnight air of Monaco - and can be heard as the party-goers slow-dance their hearts away.And the children all sing, "We Shall Dance, We Shall Dance!"
Dave joins the performance as lead singer, as he proudly sings and
slow-dances with Dahlia, amidst the large gathering of happy guests - A great Neo-Shakespearean lovesong of Solominic origin, as recorded by the Irish. Here,
again, paparazzi galore!! :
Look at thee now \ outshining all the stars
Even the gorgeous moon would hide its face
So pure and so simple \ as fresh as the morning dew
Thou makest even the morning birds seem out of place
Let`s go kissing in the sky
Thou need`st not thy wings to fly
let`s go straight to my world / that was built for you and I
No other girl shall substitute \ for all the joy thou contributeth
to my world
And as far as I know \ thou art Second To None!!
I`d rather be lifeless \ than to let thee walk away
I`d rather have my mind in disarray
Thy smile is so precious \ than diamonds and pearls
Precious than any other gem on earth
Let`s go kissing......
This is my message straight to thine heart
It`s time to rise and play thy part(Let`s go kising in the sky....There is not a better wayA better way for me to sayDaisy, thou art Second To NoneNote: Whenever you hear Dave refer to his Dahlia as "Daisy" (a nickname given to her since birth by her grandmother), you know his love for her is at an alltime high:)
Chapter 9 The Honeymoon Night
At the Cocoanut (The address of a mysterious jukebox) Chalet, the couple dance till almost past midnight.
Calypso and reggae like never before. They were entertained by singer/comedian,
Lord Barry Tone who tells the crowd about a girl who was dancing rather
provocatively at a street carnival as she tries to win the heart of a young
African Prince who was out searching for a new bride, not realizing her mother
(a very strict and over-protective lady) was hiding in the crowd watching her
in a state of shock as she danced rudely with the shy Prince.
The calypso song goes:
I went to baccanal
a yearly festival
with scantily-dressed ladies dancing just to tease
There came a lady wearing cut-up jeans
She was dancing very rudely with an African Prince
She never noticed her mother in the crowd
looking pretty angry and far from proud
Chorus: When her mama saw her dancing like that
she said NO! THAT`S NOT MY CHILD!
When she said mama I am dancing to earn his wedding ring
Mamma said, "THEN GO ON, GIRL! SHOW HIM WHAT YOU GAT !
My! My! My!
By this time, continues the storyteller, the crowd is getting really
loud...go ahead!!! Go ahead!!! they cheered. The carribean song
continues..."...So to the Prince the girl said: My legs shall set ( closing
her legs as she dances )/ "...while I let my moon arise (bending over
accordingly as she dances with the shy Prince) /..." Just for you / I
wouldn`t do it otherwise
She bent like this (mooning)...and then she did like that (bump and grind!:) )...
She said / pardon me if my boody is too fat
You would think they were gonna do the real lover`s thing before the night
You would think they were gonna do the real lover`s thing
Make no mistake..she was dancing for a wedding ring
(And the crowd goes): "My! My! My!"
It is now almost 2 in the morning, and the Reggae boys are still rocking
the crowd:The Party Never Seems To Stop (goes the song)
At 1860 Cocoa-Nut GroveIt just goes on and onOh what a music treasure-troveAt 1860 Cocoanut-Grove - the address of the World Famous
Coconut Chalet owned by a close friend of Dave`s, that is notable for possessing the world`s most popular jukebox.
After their first night out during their honeymoon, Dave and Dahlia return
to a hotel resort in the beautiful Island of the Bahamas, where they kiss each
other passionately at the foot of the stairs. He then sweeps her off her feet
and proceeds to carry her majestically, up the chandelier-lit stairs, leading
to their honeymoon suite of the Palazzo resort.
Note: A beautiful song starts to play the moment he picks her up, till they
disappear up the stairs, while the lights emanating from their bedroom window
lend credence to their presence. They both stare into each other`s eyes as
their bedroom lights automatically go dim, and imaginary fireworks light up,
stealing the midnight sky.
I thought the day would never come
when two of us would breathe as one
What started out as a fancy escapade
has blossomed into vows being made
You said you saw visions
You said you heard the church bells ring
Little did I know that they were meant for you and me
THERE'LL BE FIREWORKS like in real life
All those splendid colors will steal the sky
All because of you and I
THERE'LL BE FIREWORKS like in real life
'cause we'll both behold great moments to our delight
as we celebrate sweet love tonight
No more mountains left to climb
No more doubts within my mind
Now I know the difference between love and lust
Ignoring either one may be unjust
'Cause if lust can exist within the frame of love
it could be an added blessing
and we'd give thanks to the stars above
Chapter 10Dave to Dahlia: This wonder sex booster maketh me cum like there was no tomorrowDahlia: Oh thou cummeth not (with a chuckle and a hiss as usual). Thou actually pisseth..juicy carbohydrate!(giggles)Also Deleted for obvious reasons - yet another of Dahlia`s parodies from highschool days The Shaka Zulu SongShaka Zulu went to townriding on a donkeyHe stuck a carrot up it`s buttand called it dickaroni!:))Shaka Zulu shame on youI thought you knew betterAnd before you go back home I`ll write your folks a letter!:))
Assignment: Add illustrations/graphic images and audio version to this
story.Deleted Songs And Scenes, The Reasons Why They Were Deleted, and How To Clean Them Up!!:) Yet another excerpted scene - Dahlia and Dave in their time of leisure, performing a parodized version of "O, Soldier! - O, soldier soldier won`t you marry me / with thy muskets fifes and drumsGoes Another
The rude bols were ringing
And bad girls were singing:
Juicy Songs Of Love!Called Irish CalypsoJuicy Songs Of Love!Yet so Jewish in tempo!:)Juicy Songs Of Love!So dickromantic!Juicy Songs of love!And clito-erotic!Juicy Songs of love!Make for good dickspensation!Juicy Songs Of Love!And sweet clitsensation!Padda Piddy - piddy-lay piddy-lay / Padda-piddy piddy-lay (alien language - meaning unknown - could be of a sexual nature!:))CLEANED-UP Cybermatic VERSION:Another deleted parody of Dahlia`s: "That`s How I Want You To Work It!" (Parodied song lap-dance style): "I Get By With A Little Help From Myself":): Do you remember when we first made loveyou came all over me from above?You had me screaming and begging for moreas you spread my wings like a doveWell that`s how I want you to work it!Oooh ..yes that`s how I want you to work It!!:)If you love my sexy body rock my booty tonight!:)If you like my water melons suck my titties right! That`s How I Want You To Work It!(vocal and multi-instrumental accapela background by yours truly, the CongoTown Boys and Desmund Aprodoomoor, The Chief Accapelaist from Soweto AFABW. A deleted scene to be added to the project: a music video of Rock Star Penistasia performing another of his potentially killer rock songs - : "Daisy-Lou" - a song that almost causes him to yield into sexual/romantic temptations of a beautiful seductress"I`m gonna keep my eyes on y