Album Notes

"Redneck Canadian" now available at itunes!


http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playListId=160985988



LYRICS FOR "REDNECK CANADIAN"


REDNECK CANADIAN


I'M A REDNECK CANADIAN
FROM THE BACKWOODS OF ONTARIO
TELL YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW

LIKE EATING OFF THE LAND
AND SHOVELLING HEAPS OF SNOW
TRAPPIN LOTSA BEAVER
N'ICE FISHING FROM A HOLE

HOW TO PET MY MOOSE
AND MAKE SOME GROUNDHOG STEW
BOIL EGGS FROM MY GOOSE
AND ABOUT MY FAVOURITE BREW

I'M A REDNECK CANADIAN
MY MOONSHINE TO KEEP ME WARM
WHILE CLEARING OFF THE ICE ON MY IGLOO

I'M ALWAYS KEEPIN' BUSY
THOUGH I DON'T HAVE MUCH TO DO
UNLESS MY COUSIN LUCY
HAS SOMETHING FOR ME TO SCREW

TO KILL THE TIME HERE
WE MEND OUR PLAID SHIRTS
WE DON'T HAVE ANY T.V.
CAUSE HYDRO COMES IN SPURTS

OUR PUCKS REALLY SMELL
WHICH TAKES AWAY OUR BREATH
AND HAVE A GAME OF HOCKEY
UNTIL WE FREEZE TO DEATH

WE'RE WHITER THAN WHITE
FROM THE SUNSHINE WE LACK
AND EVERYONE IS A FUR TRADER
OR A LUMBERJACK

WE GOT SCHOOLS HERE
BUT THERE SURE AREN'T MANY
AND WE CAN'T GO TO THE BEACH
BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY

WE DON'T GOT ANY COPS
WE GOT MOUNTED POLICE INSTEAD
SO BEHAVE OR ELSE THEIR HORSES
WILL STOMP YOU TILL YOUR DEAD

SO I HOPE YOU LEARNED A LOT
REMEMBER IT'S COLD UP HERE, NOT HOT
I GUESS ALL I HAVE LEFT TO SAY
IS HOW'S IT GOING EH?



BLOODY BEAVER

SHE ALWAYS SEEMS SO ANGRY
IT MUST BE P.M.S
THAT GRUMPY BLOODY BEAVER
CAUSES ME DISTRESS
BEEN TWENTY EIGHT DAYS SINCE I LAID IT
I NEEDS A PIECE OF TAIL
SHE'S GONNA BE FLOODING ALL OVER
THE DAM IS GONNA FAIL
SHE WILL NEED TO PLUG IT
IT'S GONNA MAKE A MESS
I'LL GET THAT BLOODY BEAVER
TO THIS I MUST CONFESS

BEAVER BLOODY BEAVER
BEAVER BLOODY BEAVER
IM GONNA EAT THAT BEAVER TONIGHT
THIS I GUARANTEE


WITH ALL THAT HAIR AND BUCK TEETH
SHE WILL BE MINE TONIGHT
I'M GONNA GET A PIECE OF TAIL
BUT SHE'S GONNA PUT UP A FIGHT
I'LL HAVE TO SET A BETTER TRAP
IF I'M TO CATCH THIS BITCH
I'LL GET THAT BLOODY BEAVER
I'M GONNA MAKE HER TWITCH
ONE DAY IM GONNA CATCH HER
IN A MUCH BETTER MOOD
I WANTS TO HAVE HER FOR DINNER
I LOVES TO HAVE GREAT FOOD

CHORUS


SPENT ONE MORE WEEK OF TRYING
SHE'S GETTING ME SO MAD
I BEEN THINKING OF DOING
SOMETHING REALLY BAD
BUT I FINALLY GOT HER
SHE'S LAYING IN MY TRUCK
I GOT MY PIECE OF TAIL
I GUESS IT WAS GOOD LUCK
I GOT THAT BLOODY BEAVER
SHE'S BEEN FLOODING ME OUT FOR WEEKS
I GONNA COOK HER UP TONIGHT
WITH SOME CARROTTS, TATERS AND LEEKS
BEAVER BLOODY BEAVER



I LOVE MY MUFFIN

THERE'S A ROAD THAT RUNS OUT FROM THE PRAIRIE
IT'S A ROAD I'VE NEVER WALKED BEFORE
MOST PEOPLE CALL ME LARRY
I LOVE MY BEAVER SHE'S SO HAIRY
BUT I CAN'T HELP FEELIN' THAT THERE'S SOMETHING MORE

IF I AIN'T DRINKIN' YOU MIGHT JUST CATCH ME THINKING
THINKING OF WHERE I MIGHT WANNA GO
I'LL DRESS MYSELF RIGHT PRETTY AND HEAD OUT TO THE CITY
AT LEAST I WOULD IF IT WEREN'T SO FRIGGIN' COLD

I GOT A LITTLE DOG I LIKE TO CALL HER MUFFIN
I GOT A BIG DOG I JUST CALL IT ASSHOLE
THEIR TOO STUPID TO BE TRAINED BUT I LOVE THEM JUST THE SAME
I LOVE MY MUFFIN AND I LOVE MY BIG ASSHOLE

I WAS RAISED HERE, RIGHT HERE WHERE I'M STANDING
I'VE SHOVELED SHIT AND LORD I'VE SHOVELED SNOW
I'M REALLY NOT TOO CHOOSY
FOR A SCREW I JUST SEE LUCY
SHE'S MY COUISIN BUT NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW

SO WON'T YOU LISTEN LISTEN TO MY STORY
GRAB A BREW AND LET ME BARE MY SOUL
WE CAN DRINK UNTIL THE MORNING
BUT IF YOU FIND THAT BORING
YOU CAN TOUCH MY MUFFIN OR RUB ON MY ASSHOLE



THE MAKEUP SONG

I ASKED HER LAST NIGHT FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME
AND I MUST HAVE BEEN RIGHT OUT OF MY MIND
NOW I'LL BE PAYING A VERY HIGH PRICE INDEED
ESPECIALLY WHEN SEX IS WHAT I NEED


WHY DON'T YOU EVER WEAR MAKE UP
IT MIGHT EVEN MAKE YOU LOOK PRETTY
CAUSE EVEN IN THE DARKNESS OF NIGHT
YOU SURE DO LOOK PRETTY SHITTY

OUR LOVE WAS NEVER THE SAME AFTER THAT
I THINK I MIGHT HAVE EVEN SAID SHE WAS FAT
I'M IN THE DOGHOUSE NOW FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
JUST FOR PUTTIN' DOWN MY UGLY FAT WIFE



WHY DON'T YOU EVER WEAR MAKE UP
IT MIGHT EVEN MAKE YOU LOOK PRETTY
CAUSE EVEN IN THE DARKNESS OF NIGHT
YOU SURE DO LOOK PRETTY SHITTY

NOW SHE WANTS ME BACK IN HER LOVING ARMS
I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH MY CHARMS
I'LL NEVER SAY NOTHING MORE ABOUT THE WAY SHE'S LOOKING
BUT I STILL MIGHT COMPLAIN ABOUT HER AWFUL COOKING


WHY DON'T YOU EVER WEAR MAKE UP
IT MIGHT EVEN MAKE YOU LOOK PRETTY
CAUSE EVEN IN THE DARKNESS OF NIGHT
YOU SURE HAVE A REAL PRETTY KITTY



SHE'S GONNA NAG ME INTO THE GRAVE

SHE NAGS AT ME ALL DAY
SHE NAGS AT ME ALL NIGHT

SHE WANTS ME TO DO SOME CHORES
SHE CAN JUST GO AND FLY A KITE

SHE'S GONNA NAG ME INTO THE GRAVE
SHE'S GONNA NAG ME INTO THE GRAVE
SHE'S GONNA NAG ME INTO THE GRAVE

SHE WANTS HER FEET MASSAGED
I AIN'T TOUCHING THOSE SCABBY THINGS

GONNA PICK HER UP SOME MAXI PADS
YOU KNOW, THE ONES WITH WINGS

SHE'S GONNA NAG ME INTO THE GRAVE
SHE'S GONNA NAG ME INTO THE GRAVE
SHE'S GONNA NAG ME INTO THE GRAVE

I THINK I'M GOING INSANE
SHE'S CAUSING ME TOO MUCH STRIFE

OH GOD I NEED A HOLIDAY
PREFERABLY WITHOUT THE WIFE

SHE'S GONNA NAG ME INTO THE GRAVE
SHE'S GONNA NAG ME INTO THE GRAVE
SHE'S GONNA NAG ME INTO THE GRAVE



HIS DADDY WAS A HUNTER

IT'S TIME FOR HIS HUNTING TRIP
NOT THAT HE FOLLOWS THE LAW
HE GO'S A HUNTING WHEN HE WANTS
AND WATCH OUT FOR COPS.....THATS ALL
IF THEY COULD SEE IN MY FREEZER
IT'S FULL OF ILLEGAL GAME
MOOSE, DEER AND SOME BEAVER
AND SOME OTHER THINGS I CAN'T NAME

HIS DADDY WAS A HUNTER
TAUGHT HIM EVERYTHING HE KNEW
LIKE HUNTIN, FISHIN, AND DRINKIN AND EVEN CURSING TOO

HE'LL BE SITTING IN THE BUSH
WAITING SO PATIENTLY
FOR SOME SORT OF CRITTER
TO TURN AND START TO FLEE
HE WILL BRING UP HIS GUN
GET THEM IN HIS SIGHTS
MAYBE EVEN TAKE A SHOT
IF HE AINT BEEN DRINKIN ALL NIGHT

HIS DADDY WAS A HUNTER
TAUGHT HIM EVERYTHING HE KNEW
LIKE HUNTIN, FISHIN, AND DRINKIN AND EVEN CURSING TOO

IF THE ANIMALS COULD LAUGH
THEY'D BE LAUGHING RIGHT OUT LOUD
CAUSE NO MATTER HOW HE TRIES
HE CAN'T DO HIS DADDY PROUD
DAMN SURE HE CAN CURSE
HELLS YES HE CAN DRINK
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO HUNTING
YOU COULD SAY HE REALLY STINKS

IT'S LUCKY THAT ALL HIS BUDDYS
LIKE TO SHARE WHAT THEY HAVE SHOT
CAUSE IF IT WERE LEFT TO HIM WE'ED HAVE NOTHIN TO COOK IN THE POT



ALL INTO FAMILY

UP HERE IN THE COUNTRY
WAY OUT IN THE STICKS
WE DONT THINK MUCH OF STRANGERS
FOR THEY ALL CALL US HICKS
THERES MA AND PA AND GRAMPY
GRANDMA AND SISTER PRU
UNCLES AUNTS AND COUSINS
YEAH, THEY ALL LIVE HERE TOO
WE ALL PLAY TOGETHER
IN OUR BACKWOODS COUNTRY BAND
ERIC PLAYS GUITAR
WHILE GRAMPY CLAPS HIS HANDS

HERE IN REDNECK COUNTRY
WAY BACK IN THE HILLS
WE'RE ALL INTO FAMILY
THATS HOW WE GETS OUR THRILLS

MY FAVOURITE COUSIN'S LUCY
I THINKS SHE LIKES ME TOO
WE'VE LOTS OF FUN TOGETHER
CAUSE LUCY LIKES TO SCREW
COUSIN BILLY CAUGHT US LAST TIME
WE WERE ONLY HALF WAY THROUGH
SCREWING IN THE BACK ROOM
IF ONLY GRANDMA KNEW
WE WERE MESSING WITH HER TOASTER
SHE WANTS HER TOAST AND TEA
BETTER PUT IT BACK TOGETHER
GET THOSE SCREWS BACK IN,
HURRY!

HERE IN REDNECK COUNTRY
WAY BACK IN THE HILLS
WERE ALL INTO FAMILY
THATS HOW WE GETS OUR THRILLS
WE ALL PLAY TOGETHER
IN OUR BACKWOODS COUNTRY BAND
ERIC PLAYS THE GUITAR
WHILE GRAMPY CLAPS HIS HANDS

HERE IN REDNECK COUNTRY
WAY BACK IN THE HILLS
WERE ALL INTO FAMILY
THATS HOW WE GETS OUR THRILLS



REDNECK MAFIA

THERE'S A REAL TOUGH GANG IN MY HOMETOWN
WATCH YOUR STEP OR THEY'LL CUT YOU DOWN
THREE BRAVE CANUCKS HAVE JOINED FORCES
IT'S THE REDNECK MAFIA ON THEIR HIGH HORSES

NOW THEY DON'T USE GUNS OR EVEN KNIVES
BUT THEY CAN STILL DESTROY LOTSA LIVES
THEY'LL SLASH YOU TO DEATH WITH THEIR HOCKEY STICKS
THIS IS HOW MOST CANADIANS GET THEIR KICKS

I WAS GONNA JOIN BUT MEMBERSHIP AIN'T FREE
AND IF YOU'RE ONE OF THEM YOU GOT TO AGREE
TO PAY THE MEMBERSHIP OR YOU CAN'T GET IN
AND THEN YOU WON'T GET A REDNECK MAFIA PIN

DON CHERRY IS A MEMBER AND SO IS MY DAD
THAT IS WHY I'M CAREFUL I NEVER GET HIM TOO MAD
IT'S RUN FROM A LITTLE OLD BRICK HOUSE WAY UP IN NORTH BAY
AND MY GRANDMA'S THE RING LEADER SO STAY OUT OF HER WAY

MAYBE ONE OF THESE DAYS I'LL JOIN THEIR CLUB
OR ONE OF THEM WILL BE KILLED AND THEY'LL NEED A SUB
THEN I WON'T HAVE TO PAY THE FIFTY BUCKS HOPEFULLY
AND I'LL PROUDLY CALL MYSELF A REDNECK MAFIA BULLY

IF YOU ARE LAUGHING BOUT WHAT I JUST SAID
YOU MIGHT FIND A MOOSE HEAD IN YOUR BED
IF THE MEMBERSHIP PRICE COMES DOWN OR MY GRANDMA DIES
MAYBE I'LL BE ONE OF THOSE REDNECK MAFIA GUYS



BLOODY BEAVER BLUES

IT WAS LATE AT NIGHT
MY WIFE WAS ASLEEP
OUT OF MY BED
I DID SLOWLY CREEP
I MADE SURE I DIDN'T
MAKE ONE LITTLE PEEP
DANG THAT CREAKY FLOOR
THANK GOD SHE'S ASLEEP

(chorus)
NOT LOOKING FOR TROUBLE
JUST LOOKING FOR SOME FUN
WHEN I GET BACK HOME
DEAR LORD I PRAY
SHE DON'T GOT MY GUN
I'M CANADIAN REDNECK FROM MY HEAD DOWN TO MY SHOES
OH MAN IVE GOT THEM BLOODY BEAVER BLUES

OUT TO TOWN I GO
IT'S PARTY TIME FOR ME
OUT WITH THE BOYS
DERIK AND HARRY
GONNA MAKE SOME NOISE
CHUG A LUG A FEW BEERS
WITH NO WIFE IN SIGHT
I GOT ME NO FEARS

NOT LOOKING FOR TROUBLE
JUST LOOKING FOR SOME FUN
WHEN I GET BACK HOME
DEAR LORD I PRAY
SHE DON'T GOT MY GUN
I'M A CANADIAN REDNECK FROM MY TOUQUE DOWN TO MY SNOW SHOES
OH MAN IVE GOT THEM BLOODY BEAVER BLUES

NOW I'M DRUNKER THAN DRUNK
ABOUT TO FALL DOWN
SURE LOVE THE NIGHT LIFE
AND ACTING LIKE A CLOWN
BUT I BETTER CRAWL BACK
TO WHATS-HER-NAME
GO BACK TO THE HELLHOLE
FROM WHICH I CAME

chorus

NOT LOOKING FOR TROUBLE
JUST LOOKING FOR SOME FUN
WHEN I GET BACK HOME
DEAR LORD I PRAY
SHE DON'T GOT MY GUN
I'M A CANADIAN REDNECK FROM MY SLED TO MY BOOZE
OH LORD DANG THOSE BLOODY BEAVER BLUES



THEME FOR A REDNECK CANADIAN (INSTRUMENTAL)



BIG SMOOCHIE

I GOT A GIRL WHO'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
TALKIN' BOUT MY DOG, NOT MY WIFE
UNLIKE THAT BITCH, SHE CAUSES ME NO STRIFE
BIG SMOOCHIE
FOR MY POOCHIE

SHE PROTECTS ME WHEREVER I GO
SOME PLACES MY WIFE DON'T EVEN KNOW
AND THE WAY SHE NIBBLES ON MY TOE
BIG SMOOCHIE
FOR MY POOCHIE

I LOVE THAT GIRL WITH ALL OF MY HEART
EXCEPT MAYBE WHEN SHE'S GOTTA FART
THAT'S THE ONLY TIME I WISH WE WERE APART
BIG SMOOCHIE
FOR MY POOCHIE

SHE'S GOT FLEAS BUT I GOT THEM TOO
AS FOR MY WIFE IF SHE ONLY KNEW
I'D RATHER EAT DOG FOOD THEN HER DANG STEW
BIG SMOOCHIE
FOR MY POOCHIE

I GOT OTHER CRITTERS BUT NOTHING COMPARES
SCREW THE PIGS, SHEEP AND ALL THE MARES
I LOVE MY DOG SO MUCH EVERYONE STARES
BIG SMOOCHIE
FOR MY POOCHIE

SHE JUST TURNED FIFTEEN YEARS OLD TODAY
"LET HER LIVE FOREVER" I ALWAYS PRAY
IF YOU TAKE ANYONE, TAKE MY WIFE AWAY
BIG SMOOCHIE
FOR MY POOCHIE