Album Notes

TeleSpank.com is for everyone who's ever had to contend with a telemarketer who just wouldn't take "No" for an answer. It's for those who have been pulled away from their loved ones to be told they can lower your mortgage by blah-blah percent. Well, I've personally taken every single minute of your stolen time and returned it, with interest... and a vengeance.

My goal is simple: string 'em along until they hang up first. (Well, THAT, and see if I can't make them squirm in their seats throughout the call... maybe even shed a few tears...)

So, some of you might be asking the profound question: Why? Why do you spank telemarketers, Spankster? Well, it's not for the reason you might guess. Most people think I HATE telemarketers. I don't. In fact, can you keep a secret?

I used to BE a telemarketer.

It's true.

And THAT is one of the reasons I spank 'em. I know how utterly boring and depressing their jobs can be. How they see their coworkers on either side being fired or quitting (or both). PLUS, everyone they call inherently hates them, and some people aren't shy about telling them just that.

Not me. I want to give them something to smile about. Something to share with their friends and spouses when they clock out at the end of the day. "Man," they'll say, "you won't BELIEVE the freak I talked to today!"

In the meantime, however, you get to reap the full benefits of my spankings. From the paranoid ramblings of "The Mary Lou Mystery Show" to the painful antics of Matilda, you'll be laughing 'til you cry at what you hear. Seriously! I kid you not! If you like the painfully pointed humor of "The Office" or "Waiting for Guffman" (or anything Christopher Guest does), this is practically customized for your ears.

But enough about me. Why not click on a few links and listen to the samples themselves? Thanks for taking the time to read this far. I know you didn't have to, so I really wanted to tell you I appreciate it. :) Seriously.

Now go listen to some spankings already...

The Spankster

P.S. You'll be pleased to know that I've also slapped together a helpful TeleSpank video, to appeal to BOTH the visual AND auditory learners out there. Just click on the link to the left (under "Links") to check it out. (And don't worry, just like my spankings, it's safe for work...)