Let this languid & luxurious album sing & soothe you to sleep.
Enjoy an audible hug on your own stereo without the hassle of allergies, cat fur, or litter.
Just press play to fill the room with the hypnotic and magnificent massage of purroma therapy.
With over an hour of that special feral, feline sound, make these virtual purrs part of the landscape of all your Caturdays!
Thank you for purchasing the newest addition to our CHAT PERDU™ line of Universal Purring Products. Now you no longer have to deal with the hassle of allergies, cat fur, or litter! Whether you want a long, exhaustive purr for a drowsy catnap on a summer’s afternoon, or a quick pick-me-up purr before a hot date, the E-Z-PURR™ Purr Emulation System™ is easy to use and specifically designed for use with your heart. Unlike other purr emulators (“empurrlators”), the E-Z-PURR™ system delivers consistent and dedicated powerhouse purrs throughout its hour-plus of empurrlation, making this a truly reliable and believable cat-replacement.
1. Before you play the E-Z-PURR™ CD in your stereo or laptop, please ensure that you are sitting down, lap open. Pretend there is a cat in the room with you, who has just taken notice of your open lap, and of your open heart. Wear loose-fitting clothing.
2. Play the CD. Imagine the cat coming over and delicately settling on your lap.
3. Place your hands in your lap, where a cat would be sitting and purring and vibrating. If you like, you may use a vibrating massager (not included), to more closely simulate the gentle steady throbbing of an actual cat.
4. Now, let the soothing purring overcome you again and again. You will find that the stress of your day will wash out of you with the use of this purr emulation system.
5. While some of our users have reported jaw-dropping euphoria and revelations of apocalyptic clarity, your own personal results may vary.
1. If you are unsure if your heart is compatible with this purr emulation system, or have any questions on how to set it up, please contact CHAT PERDU™ PRODUCTIONS to see if your heart will work with this unit. The heartless may need a heart transplant. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org for a free assessment of your heart! One of our technicians may be dispatched to measure the size of your chest.
2. Do NOT expose this product to water, rain or moisture - not even the soft kisses and rough tongue of an actual cat. This may damage the E-Z-PURR™.
3. If you find yourself becoming clinically addicted to this empurrlator, requiring its gentle encouragement and felicitous cooing just to get out of bed, please consult a purrfessional physician, and/or acquire an actual cat. This empurrlator was not designed for prolonged cat-replacement. As with all things, use the E-Z-PURR™ in moderation.