Suck Siphon is the brainchild of Will Renwick and Josh Porter. They have succeeded in their goal: to make the worst, least listenable music ever made. This horrifying tour de force in terrible music is staggering in its un-listenability. Not one song on this album could be considered good. Even the most listenable songs ("Blank for Blank" and "Maverick's Red, Hooked Go-Kart [In Blue Minor]") are so bad that you'll regret ever hearing them. You cannot even warn your friends to not listen to the worst songs, as the track titles are so inscrutably stupid as to have no bearing whatsoever on the actual song they belong to. They have taken a lack of talent and combined it with an absence of editing and an inability to keep a beat, and the result is a ear-covering mish-mash of gross musical negligence.
All other music sounds pristine in comparison to this aural garbage pile. The true secret to their retch-inducing success is that they them selves are bad musicians attempting mediocrity. The lack of any musical talent is clear in each putrescent moment of this fetid wiping of an album. Perhaps the most terrible aspect of all, is that the listeners will catch themselves singing pieces of these lyrical holocausts after hearing this abysmal record. Their hooks are not catchy, nor could they even be called hooks, but this auditory genocide burrows into the eardrum, latches its hoary barbs deep within the listener's psyche, and never lets go. There are some things you can never un-hear; this album is the tyrannical overlord of them all.
If you find yourself stopped at a traffic light while blasting this vomitous dump of non-music, the drivers around you will roll up their windows and look at you as if you murdered their children and favorite pets. If you are unlucky enough to ever hear "Suck Siphon's "BEST" Work to Date (Title)," you will wish you'd been rendered deaf at birth. Never has their been a more terrible collection of sound than "80% of Suck Siphon's Greatest Hits: Volume Two." Do not listen; you will be forever ruined if you do.