Art Paul Schlosser | The Best of Art Paul Schlosser(The Sequel)

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Twitter Amazon.com Facebook Rhapsody Watch me at youtube.com The Shortest Song I Ever Wrote Apple iTunes The website of the great LukeSki who designed this CD cover and compile the songs The Mad Music Archive

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United States - Wisconsin

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Folk: Alternative Folk Spoken Word: Comedy Moods: Type: Lyrical
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The Best of Art Paul Schlosser(The Sequel)

by Art Paul Schlosser

Quirky folk a la Dr. Demento.
Genre: Folk: Alternative Folk
Release Date: 

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1. Hi How Are You(Live)
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2. Be MY Friend
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3. I Love You ?
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4. Cheap Romance
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5. I Love You ??
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6. Love,Love,Love
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7. The Back Street Boys(I Want To Kill Them)
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8. D
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9. Eat Nutritiously
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10. You Gotta Have A Koke
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11. Techno Ravioli
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12. Pizza Growl
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13. Let's Eat Cheese Mama
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14. I'm A Cheese Head
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15. Mary Had a Big Lamb
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16. Mary Had a Little Lamb
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17. How do you like my Pet ?
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18. My Mom is a Giraffe
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19. Free Bird !
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20. Sing A Song You're the Guitar Dude
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21. The Times they are Changing Back
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22. Why Blow the Place Up ?(Live)
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23. A Hole in the Bottom of my Shoe
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24. No Shoe Blues(Live)
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25. Vote for Me/It's a Joke
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26. Brainwashed !
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27. Punk Rock in the Whitehouse
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28. Vacuum Rap
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29. Let's Loiter
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30. Play Something Special
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31. Happy Birthday(Live)
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32. Generic Dedication Song
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33. Want To Be a Librarian
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34. Purple Bananas On The Moon(Live)
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ABOUT THIS ALBUM


Album Notes
When I started to come out with more songs being played on Dr Demento and more CDs me and the great LukeSki knew we were going to do another Best of.
This one had to have all the other songs that were played on Dr Demento that wasn't on the First one.So check it out both the Back Street Boys(I Want To Kill Them), Vote for Me/Its a Joke,Let's Loiter,Let's Eat Cheese Mama,Eat Nutritiously are all on it.Unfortunitely the only one of these 5 that got enough votes to be on The Funny 5 is Vote for Me/It's a Joke. Since 2005 when Eat Nutritiously got played I haven't got played since but perhaps you might want to hear me on Dr Demento ?

You can request the songs at http://www.clamhead.com/drd.php

Or you could E-mail the good Doctor at drdemento@drdemento.com

and if you must call it's 1-562-ODD-TUNE

or just write him at:

Dr Demento
C/O The Demento Society
P.O. Box 884
Culver City, CA 90232

For those of you who would like Dr Demento's website it's at
http://www.drdemento.com

& if your trying to get a hold of the Great LukeSki who did the artwork and compiled the songs check him out at http://www.lukeski.com

Another great radio show that plays me is The Mad Music Hour which you can check out at http://www.themadmusicarchive.com

You can request my songs on The Mad Music Hour by calling 1-800-689-8312

Or just check out my songs at Apple iTunes.

& here are the lyrics:

1.Hi How Are You(Live)

Hi, how are you
Hi, how are you
Hi how are you
Hey it’s good to meet you
Good to meet you

I like friends, you like friends, we all like friends
I need friends, you need friends, we all need friends
You ain’t got no one for your friend
Come on over and visit me will be friends

2.Be My Friend

I like ice cream
I like cake
And I'd like you to be my friend

I'm not very good
At philosophy
But one thing I know is let's be friends

I'm not a politician
I'm not running for office
But still I say we need friends

And if this whole world
Would throw down their weapons
Turn the other cheek and be friends

Well maybe this world would be a better place
There'd be no war or violence
We'd be friends

You don't have to be
So highly political
All you really need is to be friends

And if this poem
Never sells a million copies
Still I say lets be friends

Cause you don't need to be
A big time celebrity
To realize that you need friends

I like ice cream
I like cake
And I'd like you to be my friend

3. I Love You ?

I love you
I love you
I’m lying
But I love you

You’re beautiful
You’re ugly
I forgot
What were we talking about

You name is Susan
Or is Carol
Or is it Angie
Oh I forgot

You don’t know
who I am
You don’t want to go out
anymore

I don’t understand
I thought you said we should go out tonight
Is there something
Unexplainable


I love you
I love you
I really love
Your money


4. Cheap Romance

Hi I’m The Next gonna be the next President I’m a candidate running and I just want to say I’m not perfect and there’s a lot of woman out there that I don’t remember there names and they’re really pretty and they treat me really nice and then all of a sudden their angry at me because I didn’t remember their names or I don’t have a lot of money. I just want to say to them I think they’re nice any how and I’m not God or perfect and that’s why I’m a good choice because I’m honest and I’m telling you this now

Darling the glasses are plastic
Champagne is imported from Chicago
Darling the glasses are plastic
Your hairs all done all up with 16 layers of hairspray you got from a can out of the garbage

Your earings are dime store brass
Your dress is polyester
Your earings are dime store brass
I’m wearing an expensive suit I got at goodwill for a dollar

Darling the glasses are tin
Champagne is imported from Fitchburg
Darling the glasses are tine
Your wearing some perfume that you borrowed from the Avon Lady

We’re eating caviar from a TV dinner
We’re watching a romantic movie on the neighbor’s TV though their window
We’re eating caviar from a TV dinner
I love you, I want to marry you here’s a ring I got from a crackerjack box
I love you, I want to marry you here’s a ring I got from a crackerjack box


5. I Love You ??

I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
Hey did I say I love you
Well maybe I love
Oh well maybe I don’t love you
I’m sorry

6.Love, Love, Love

You turn on the radio
You flip the switch
You think you're going to hear a good song
But what you hear
Sounds just like this
Hey buddy were you wrong

Cause it's:
(High Voice)
I love you
You love me
Love love Love love
Love love Love love
Love love Love love
Love
Pop song
Top 4orty

Well it's just 2 chords
And sometimes
The singer gets off key
But everyone buys it
Anyhow
Ain't that strange indeed

Cause it's:
(High Voice)
I love you
You love me
Love love Love love
Love love Love love
Love love
Hey did I say love
Well I meant love
Love love Love love
Love love Love love
Love
Pop song
Top 4orty

Well later on
When the singer gets
(You know)real old
Well they don't forget about him
They bring him back
To do alot of reunion shows

And it's:
(High Voice)
I love you
You love me
Love love Love love
Love love Love love
Love love Love~~~
Everybody now
Love love Love love
Love love Love love
Love love Love love
Love love
Pop song
Top 4orty

Well even later
After the singer's dead
And you don't hear that song anymore
Then some new singer comes along
And they like it
And they decide to record

And it's:
(Low Voice now)
I love you
You love me
Love love Love love
Love love Love love
Love
Pop song
Top 4orty

7.

The Backstreet Boys want to be my girlfriend's boyfriend
The Backstreet Boys want to be my girlfriend's boyfriend
But I want to kill them
I want to kill them
I want to take a wrench
And really kill them
And last week I smashed the radio cause they kept playing that darn song

Yeah the Backstreet Boys want to be my girlfriend's boyfriend
The Backstreet Boys want to be my girlfriend's boyfriend
But I want to kill them
I want to kill them
I want to take a wrench
And really kill them
Because last week it cost me more than a 100 bucks to take my girlfriend to their concert
And she dumped me for some guy who claimed to be their roadie

So I want to kill him
I want to kill her
I want to kill him
I want to kill her
And then I want to go out with Britney Spears
And I want Britney Spears to pay for everything
Cause although I think she's pretty I'm a little broke

8. D

Well it’s time for you to play along with Art Paul.
Yeah you can play this song anybody can because it’s in the key of D.

D D D D
G G G G
D D D D
A
G
D
D D sing along with me
G G it’s kind of easy
D D sing along with me
A
G
D

Okay you can get out your guitar, harmonica, or flute or whatever And you can play along with me
Just remember I’m in the key D
It’s really easy
A
G
D

Now heres the part where I’d like to sing a song
D I met a guy his named was D D D
Said G G It’s good to meet you
D D D D
A my name is Art
G it’s good to meet you
DD D D

D DDD
It’s really easy G It’s really easy
D sing along with me
A
G
D

Now here’s the part if you’ve got a kazoo you could play the kazoo

Kazoo solo

D D I met a guy named D
G I Said It’s good to meet you D
D D I met a guy named D
A my name is Art
G it’s good to meet you
DD sing along with me
G It’s really easy
D D D D
A my name is Art
G it’s good to meet you
D

9. Eat Nutritiously


Eat Nutritiously
Eat Nutritiously
Eat Nutritiously
Exercise

Eat Nutritiously
Eat Nutritiously
Eat Nutritiously
Exercise

You don't got to go to the Doctor all the time
You don't got to go to the Doctor all the time

You'll live longer
You'll live longer
You'll live longer
If you're wise

10. You’ve Gotta Have A Koke

Maybe it’s because it’s the weekend
Or maybe it’s because it’s just Friday
Or maybe it’s because your kind of bored
But you’ve gotta have a Koke

So you stick your hand in your pocket but you don’t find nothing
Yeah and your dollars are disappearing
You don’t get paid until next Monday
And you’ve gotta have a Koke

So you go back to your apartment and you look for change
You find foreign coins but they don’t work in the pop machine
And pennies don’t work neither
And you’ve gotta have a Koke

Your twitching and your hair is itchy
Your buzzing about like your nervous
Your wondering what your gonna do about it
And you’ve gotta have a Koke

Maybe it’s the fact that your girlfriend dump you
Or you just got fired from your job
Maybe cause you broke your skateboard
But you’ve gotta have a Koke

Hey lets face it your really addicted
Could it be caffeine has got you
Or could it be you like those ads on the commercials
And you’ve gotta have a Koke

Yeah your digging around your apartment for any dime or nickel
You call up your girlfriend’s boyfriend’s grilfriend’s grilfriend’s boyfriend’s to ask about the money she owes you
Then she says you owe her a 20
And you’ve gotta have a Koke

Kazoo~~~~~~~~
Kazoo~~~~~~~~
This kazoo solo is not solving your problem
And you’ve gotta have a Koke

Now sing it with me everybody out there

You’ve gotta have a Koke, you’ve gotta have a Koke, you’ve gotta have a Koke
(Real easy words)You’ve gotta have a Koke, you’ve gotta have a Koke, you’ve gotta have a Koke
You’ve gotta have a Koke, you’ve gotta have a Koke, you’ve gotta have a Koke
Pay for by the Brainwashing Kola Institute

11. Techno Ravioli

Techno
Techno
Techno-rave
T-techno-rave
T-techno-rave
Techno

Does your
Does your Mother
Does your Mother know
Does your Mother know
Does your Mother
Does your Mother know you’re here
Does your Mother know
Does your Mother know you’re here
Do you know

This
This is the President
This is the President of the United States
This is the President of
This is the President of the United States

Techno
Techno Ravioli
Tech
Techno
Techno Ravioli
Ravioli
With techno shots
Techno –rave
Ravioli with techno shots

Does your Mother
Does your Mother hear
Do you know
Do you know
Do you hear
Does your Mother hear
Do you know
Do you know if you hear

This is a pretzel with a dent from a heavy slate
This is a pretzel with a dent from a heavy slate

What are you doing ?

12.Pizza Growl

I want to eat some pizza
I want to eat it now
I want to eat some pizza
Or I'm gonna growl

I want to eat some pizza
I want to eat it now
I want to eat some pizza
Or I'm gonna growl

Said yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I called up my order
I thought I said it clear
I called up my order
They got the order wrong, I guess they didn’t hear

13. Let’s Eat Cheese Mama

1.Let's all eat cheese Mama
Let's all eat cheese
Let's all eat cheese Mama
Just anyway you do

Chorus:
Let's eat cheese
Let's eat cheese
Let's eat cheese Mama
Anyway you do

2.I'm gonna eat cheese Mama
I'm gonna eat cheese tonight
I'm gonna eat cheese Mama that's for sure
So if you want to eat cheese just come over to my door

3.My Papa he done told me
My Mama done told me to
If you can't get Cheddar
Than Colby will do

4.Some people like it hot
Some people like it cold
Some people like it the pot
Nine days old

14. I’m A Cheese Head
I thought cheese was
Only true in Dairy land
And for someone else
But not for me
Hunger was out to get to me
That's the way it seems
Disappointment haunted
All my dreams

then you gave me some cheese
Now I'm a Cheesehead
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
You gave some cheese
I'm a Cheesehead
I couldn't stop eating it
If I tried

I thought cheese was
More or less a given thing
Seems more I gave the less
I got
What's the use in trying
All you get is pain
When I wanted sunshine
I got rain


15.Mary Had a Big Lamb

Mary had a big lamb
A big lamb, a big lamb
Mary had a little lamb
It was 60 feet tall

And everywhere that Mary went,
Mary went, Mary went,
Everywhere that Mary went
People said look out it might fall

It followed her to school one day
School one day, school one day
It followed her to school one day
It was against the rules.

It made the kids laugh and play,
Laugh and play, laugh and play,
It made the kids laugh and play
To see the gigantic lamb smash the school
16. Mary Had A Little Lamb

Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb
Little lamb
Mary had a little lamb and some olives on the side

Mary had some pork and beans
Pork and beans
Pork and beans
Mary had some pork and beans and a cheeseburger to go

17. How Do You Like My Pet ?


Can my tyrannosaurus rex come in your house
Can my tyrannosaurus rex come in your house
I know he’s not small like your pet mouse
Can my tyrannosaurus rex come in your house

Can my tyrannosaurus rex play in your swimming pool
Can my tyrannosaurus rex play in your swimming pool
He’s not small, no he’s really huge
Can my tyrannosaurus rex play in your swimming pool

& can my tyrannosaurus rex eat dinner with you
Can my tyrannosaurus rex eat dinner with you
Can my tyrannosaurus rex-You know doesn’t eat a little, he eats a ton of food
Can my tyrannosaurus rex eat dinner with you

Can my tyrannosaurus rex come in your house
How about my pet Cyclops

18. My Mom is a Giraffe

My mom is a giraffe
She's real tall and eats from trees
She can reach real high
And she
She loves me
My mom is a giraffe
She likes to eat crunchy leaves
And she loves me
My dad is an elephant
An elephant and a giraffe
You say thats kind of weird
Well thats why
No one understands me
You know I'm kind of strange
Yeah I'm kind of weird

My mom is a giraffe
Your dad is a gorilla
I'm not really related
To an elephant
I just made it up
My mom's an alien from mars
My dad is the president
Make up anything you want in this slot______________
You can say anything about anything
About anything you want
And if the FCC doesn't silence you
You may get heard on national radio
My mom is a giraffe
She's real tall and eats from trees

19. Free Bird

Free Bird
The bird got out of the cage
Free Bird
I guess the window was open
Free Bird
The bird got out of the cage
And the bird kept on going
The bird kept on going

Polly don’t want a cracker
Polly wants steak and eggs
Polly don’t want a cracker
Polly wants shrimp and lobster

Free Bird
The bird got out of the cage
Free Bird
I forgot the window was open
Free Bird
The bird got out of the cage
And the bird kept on going
The bird kept on going

Polly don’t want a cracker
Polly wants steak and eggs
Polly don’t want a cracker
Polly wants shrimp and lobster

20. Sing Us a Song You’re the Guitar Dude

Sing us a song, youre the guy that plays the guitar
We’re all in the mood for a melody
And youve got us feelin kind of wondering whether you know what your playing or not because we are not quite sure


Its 5 o’clock on a Saturday or Friday or Thursday sometimes I’ve got to play all week long
The regular bums shuffles in
There’s this old man yeah he’s sitting next to me
He’s making love to a bottle of gin
Yeah he got it over at the corner liquor store

He says, son, can you play me a melody?
I’m not sure you really can figure out how it goes
I don’t remember myself
But its sweet and I knew it complete
When I could really afford to wear some real clothes

Sing us a song, you’re that weird guitar dude
Sing us a song tonight okay don’t sing it just yell it
Yeah we’re all in the mood for an off key melody because we’re all drunk anyhow
And you got us feeling alright


La La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la Oh okay that’s it

21.The Times they’re Changing Back


Come gather round people from wherever you roam
And admit that the water is polluted
You won't stand up against the government about the environment
The times they're changing back

Yeah you who write with a pen and prophesied
You care more about the money now
You won't write anything really controversial
The times they're changing back

Yeah you've got all your money in the bank and mutual funds
So you can't help anybody's that's really down and out and poor
Because your trying to make it in the big time and be rich
The times they're changing back

Bob Dylan is famous and he's making the money
And I'm here on State street
No one wants to hear this type of song
The times they're changing back

Yeah everybody’s collecting all sorts of commercial items
They’re building their walls and storing them
Yeah let’s all hold onto things and be capitalist
The times they're changing back

Well maybe you think I’m just a little bit weird
To be talking about important issues
And maybe I am because I’m not going to get any money for this
The times they're changing back

Yeah what’s really important is to have an Elvis collection
Or maybe a Pokemen collection
No one really wants to do anything important like World peace you know the Peace Corp
The times they're changing back

There’s no hippies and there’s a lot of yuppies
There’s communist but they’re really not communist
And there are socialist but they’re really capitalist
The times they're changing back

Well if Bob Dylan sues me about this song
He’ll have to find out that the chords are a little different
And I didn’t really steal any of his music
Because he probable stole it from someone else
The times they're changing back

Everything is popular and everything will be popular
And whatever’s popular now will be popular later
And was ever was popular may become popular again
Because the time is changing back

So dress up so people can see you on the outside
And don’t be concern about the heart
Hate your neighbors but love money
Cause the times they're changing back

22.Why Blow The Place Up


Chorus:
Why do we gotta blow the place up
Why do we gotta act so tough
Why do we think that we should rule
Why do we gotta be so cruel

1.More to life than making it end
More to life than killing my friend
More to life than destroying with guns
More to life than causing harm

2.Look at the love that we can share
Look at the peace we can spread everywhere
We’ve got music that sounds so sweet
Still there’s threats of war in the street

23. A Hole in the Bottom of my Shoe

There's a hole in the bottom of my shoe
There's a hole in the bottom of my shoe
There's a hole,there's a hole
There's a hole in the bottom of my shoe

There's a worm that crawls in the hole in the bottom of my shoe There's a worm that crawls in the hole in the bottom of my shoe There's a hole, there's a hole
There's a hole in the bottom of my shoe

There's a lot of rain that comes in with the worm in the bottom of my shoe
There's a lot of rain that comes in with the worm in the bottom of my shoe
There's a hole, there's a hole There's a hole in the bottom of my shoe

And a well with the rain and the worm there’s a little sail boat in the bottom of the shoe
With the rain and the worm there’s a little sail boat in the bottom of the shoe
There's a hole, there's a hole
There's a hole in the bottom of my shoe

Okay And the little worm on the sailboat in the rainwater that’s floating around in the bottom of my shoe has a ukulele
Yeah the little worm on the boat that’s floating around in the rainwater has a little ukulele There's a hole, there's a hole?There's a hole in the bottom of my shoe

And you know he not only has a kazoo and ukulele and sunglasses Yeah there's sunglasses on the little worm whose playing ukulele and has a kazoo on the boat floating around in the rain water that’s coming in my shoe in the hole in the bottom of my shoe
Yeah there's a worm with sunglasses whose got a kazoo and a ukulele whose on the boat that’s floating around in the rain water that’s coming in the hole in the bottom of my shoe
There's a hole, there's a hole
There's a hole in the bottom of my shoe

Okay well you know what he sings ? You know what that worm sings ? Yeah you know what he sings ? He sings there’s no hole in the bottom of my shoe but there’s a hole in the bottom of your shoe.Yeah that’s what he sings as he got the sun glasses and he’s got a kazoo and a ukulele and he’s on a boat yeah floating around in the rain water that’s coming in the hole in the bottom of the shoe
Yeah the worm sings there’s no hole in my shoe but there’s a hole in your shoe and he’s playing the ukulele , he’s got a kazoo and he’s wearing sunglasses and he’s on that boat that’s floating around in the rain water that’s in the hole in the bottom of my shoe
There's a hole, there's a hole
There's a hole in the bottom of my shoe

That poor guy has a hole in the bottom of his shoe but there's no hole in the bottom of my shoe

24. The No Shoe Blues

I woke up this morning and looked for my shoes
I looked all over the house it wasn’t no use
I woke up this morning and looked for my shoes
I looked all over the house it wasn’t no use
I woke up this morning and looked for my shoes
I looked all over the house it wasn’t no use
I woke up this morning and looked for my shoes
I looked all over the house it wasn’t no use

I’ve got the no shoe blues
I’ve got the no shoe blues
I’ve got the no shoe blues
I’ve got the no shoes blues


Well get up in the morning to go to work
You look for your shoes they aren’t no where
You look and look and look and look and look
And look and look and look and look
Look in the kitchen , look in the bathroom,
Look in the bedroom still no shoes
You look and look and look and look
Until finally your late for work

You’ve got the no shoe blues
You’ve got the no shoe blues
You’ve got the no shoe blues
You’ve got the no shoes blues

Well you go to work anyhow
Without your shoes
Your doing your best
Your boss is so impressed
I like your work
I want give you a promotion
Then he realizes you’ve no shoes on
And says your fired

You’ve got the no shoe blues
You’ve got the no shoe blues
You’ve got the no shoe blues
You’ve got the no shoes blues

Well you go to the local candy store
To buy a candy bar
You got your money, your candy
Your all set to go you know
Sign says
No shoe no service
And the store clerk says your barefoot
Put that candy bar back and get out of here

You’ve got the no shoe blues
You’ve got the no shoe blues
You’ve got the no shoe blues
You’ve got the no shoes blues

25. Vote for Me/It’s a Joke

Vote for me/It's a joke
I would rather/Be the Pope
If I have to/I'll drink Coke
Hey I'm desperate/I need the job I'm broke

Vote for me/It's a joke
I'll take a bath/And use real soap
Comb my hair/Real nice
So what if/I've got lice

And if I'm elected President
I won't do anything
Just sit around and collect the money
Invite my friends over to play poker
And tell jokes that are funny

Vote for me/It's a joke
Famous people/I misquote
Tell you that/It's all true
Vote for me/Be a fool

Vote for me/It's a joke
I don't care/If you smoke
I don't care/If you choke
Just before you die/Make sure you vote

THIS IS FOLLOWED BY A RIFF on the guitar that gets louder,higher and faster until it ends and I act like I'm pushing a button and then I blow the KAZOO and say:What button did I push ?


26. Brainwashed

Hey now when you go and vote I want you
Your Brainwashed
I am brainwashing you on this tape
You must vote for Art Paul Schlosser
Say it with me
Art Paul Schlosser
Art Paul Schlosser
Art Paul Schlosser
Art Paul Schlosser
Art Paul Schlosser
Are you brainwashed ?
Now go and vote
Remember
Art Paul Schlosser
Art Paul SchlosserSchlosserSchlosserSchlosserSchlosser
Your brainwashed
You must vote for me




27. Punk Rock in the Whitehouse

In the news today there was a disturbance at the white house
It seems the neighbors were complaining about the noise they heard
It was coming from the place where they have all the parties
And the police drove up there to check it out

They had Punk Rock in the Whitehouse
Punk Rock in the Whitehouse
Punk Rock in the Whitehouse
Punk Rock in the Whitehouse

Well you know when the police got inside they saw the President had a Mohawk
The Vice President had tattoos on both his arms
The President’s wife was wearing a leather jacket
They were all getting down to the sound of the clash and the ramones

They had Punk Rock in the white house
Punk Rock in the Whitehouse
Punk Rock in the Whitehouse
Punk Rock in the Whitehouse

Well if I’m elected President you know what I mean
Things got to be a little different yeah we’ve got to change some things
One things for certain I’d like to state
We need some new music that old music’s out of date

We need Punk Rock in the white house
Punk Rock in the Whitehouse
Punk Rock in the Whitehouse
Punk Rock in the Whitehouse

28. Vacuum Rap

Yeah I can’t hear what your saying
A could you talk louder ?
What ?
What did you say ?

Vacuum rap
Vacuum rap
Vacuum rap
I’m a Janitor
I’ve got to clean the place
I suck everything up with the vacuum
I’m a vacuum ace
I’m a janitor
It’s vacuum rap
Vacuum rap


That’s a solo
You wants some kazoo I’ll have to get the kazoo on
Oh I blew it there
Kazoo ~~~~~

Vacuum rap
Vacuum rap
Clap
Clap
Go ahead laugh
But when you got to work you got to make some cash
So you may have to do the vacuum rap
I’m getting sucked up by the vacuume to do the vacuum rap
I’m getting sucked up by the vacuum

29. Let’s Loiter

They got a new fad
It's the latest trend
It's not a dance step
No, it's sitting around doing nothing*

*Chorus
Let's loiter
Let's loiter
Everybody let's all loiter
We're gonna sit around and we'll do nothing
Yeah, let's all loiter

It don't take fancy clothes
It don't take a lot of money
It don't take a big celebrity
No, we just sit around and we'll do nothing*

It don't hurt anyone
And it's lots of fun
It don't destroy you like drugs
Or kill you like alcohol*

It's not a sin
So it shouldn't be a crime
So if someone with a badge
Comes up to you
And says you can't be sitting there
Well, you just move and find yourself a new spot*

They're doing it in France
They're doing it in Canada
They're doing it in L.A.
Why can't we do it here

30. Play Something Special

Play something special

That’s really special

How about kazoo

Wow

That’s like gravy on your biscuit

Would you like to super size that

Is that cheddar or swiss ?

Sayonara

31. Happy Birthday (Live)

Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to you

1.We brought for you
This little frog
We hope you like it

We found it
Just sitting on a log
Saying: "Ribbit"*

2.Now for you,
Your favorite cake
It's peanut butter broccoli

There's no reason
To say thanks
It made us happy*

3.Here's a
Real treat
We brought from the store

It's black licorice
Icecream
Do you want some more
32. Generic Dedication Song

Well I was talking to Johnny Danger and he said I should write a song.
A dedication song to him and Greg Bear.
And um I wrote this before I met Johnny Danger.
And a lot of these pretty girls and ugly girls and some women that actually thought they were good looking that I thought were really gross looking came up to me and said Hey could you write a song for me. Could you put my name in the song and I would love it so much if you would write a song just for me.
And so in thinking of all these people who want a generic.
Actaully they want a dedication song but I don’t know if they want a generic one, I thought it would be great to write a generic one for everybody. So here is one and it culd be for Sly in the morning or Dr Demento or Randy here at Randy’s recording or um my wife Robin or Simon Peter my son and there’s a whole list of more other names that I probable should mention like The great LukeSki or The Gomers or so n so and so n so and my Uncles and Aunts and … and so here I go:

This is the generic dedication song
I wrote for all the people that want me to write a deication song to them
And this is for you and for your brother too
It’s the generic dedication song that I wrote just for you

And I don’t know anything about you
I don’t know what you eat late at night
I don’t know where you are when your not suppose to be there
Or what your doing right now

You could be in your bathroom
You could be in your bedroom with someone else
And I don’t know if there a guy or a girl
But I wrote this song for you

This is the generic dedication song
I wrote it all for you
And you could be Carl Sandburg or Taylor, Richard Tyler or Slim Whitman or Dr Demento or Weird Al Yankovics or you could be Frank or Frank’s son or his daughter or his grand daughter yeah I don’t know everybody that I wrote this song for but if you are one of them now just put your name in this slot ______________
Now put your name in it again __________________
Now this is your dedication song
This is your dedication song

Yeah this is the generic dedication song
That I wrote for everyone that wants a generic dedication song
And this is the kazoo part

Kazoo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is the generic dedication song
For everyone everywhere who wants me to write a song for them
And I don’t care if you sing along
Sing it short or sing it long go ahead and sing along

This is the generic dedication song
And here is the fourth verse and it’s the third verse or maybe it’s the 17th verse
Just put your name in here __________________
And I don’t know what you do
But I hope whatever happens to you it’s a real good life
A real good life

This is the generic dedication song
That I wrote for everyone that wants a dedication to them
Here is your dedication

33. Want To Be a Librarian ?

Hi
You might be wondering what should you do with your life ?
You want a career, you want to come up with something great to do with your life ?
Well I have a great idea.

Wouldn’t you want to be a Librarian ?
I bet you want to be a Librarian ?
I bet secretly inside your thinking
Wouldn’t it be great to be a Librarian ?

I bet you want to be a Librarian ?
Yeah if you were a Librarian
You could benefits for being
For being a Librarian

Yeah if you were a Librarian
You get holidays off for being a Librarian
You could benefits and
You get to work in air conditioning

Yeah you don’t have to be good looking
Yeah you could be really ugly and be a Librarian
Or you could be tall or short
Or you could have lots of warts

Yeah you don’t have to be
The most smartest person in the world
But you do need a degree in library
So you can be a Librarian

Yeah I bet you want to be a Librarian ?
Don’t you want to be a Librarian ?
I bet secretly inside your thinking
Wow I’d like to be a Librarian ?

Yeah but if you were Tiger Woods and
You broke your arm
Or if you were Sharon Stone and
You were in a car crash
You know if you were
The greatest singer in the World maybe not Madonna
And all of a sudden you became ugly and couldn’t sing
Well I don’t know what you’d do
But if you were Michael Jordan
You could always still do Nike commercials
But I’m not sure Bruce Springsteen might have to get a job
As a Librarian
Yeah if you were a celebrity you could still be a Librarian
Yeah if you were a Librarian
People could get a book and get an autograph

Don’t you want to be a Librarian ?
I bet you want to be a Librarian ?
I bet secretly inside you thinking
Wow if I could only be a Librarian ?

L
I
B
Well I don’t know the rest ask a Librarian

Yeah don’t you want to be a Librarian ?
Wouldn’t you love to be a Librarian ?
Cause you could read books if you were a Librarian
And you could have fun looking up all the references

34. Purple Bananas (Live)

There's purple bananas on the moon
Not quite sure but they said it was true
I'd go there and find out for myself
But I don't got the time or the wealth
Read a book about it too
They say books can lie to you
Purple bananas on the moon

Purple bananas on the moon
Besides, they convinced me "ride this flying horse"
"The best we've got, we'll sell it of course"
I know what your saying; the horse it’s a goat
The price I paid, how could I say no
Besides they convinced me, it’s really got wings
Fly to the moon, eat purple bananas, and sing
Purple bananas on the moon

Purple bananas on the moon


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