Art Paul Schlosser | Songs I Recorded On The Telephone

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Folk: Folk-Rock Spoken Word: Comedy Moods: Mood: Funny
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Songs I Recorded On The Telephone

by Art Paul Schlosser

Comedy with folk and gospel music recorded using a phone calling another phone connected to a computer answering machine.
Genre: Folk: Folk-Rock
Release Date: 

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Tracks

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1. Car Won't Start(Regular Version)
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0:37 $0.99
2. I've Got a Guitar I
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0:45 $0.99
3. Car Won't Start(Speaker Phone)
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1:00 $0.99
4. I'm Floating My Boat (Simon Peter Schlosser)
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0:18 $0.99
5. Simon Peter Simon Peter
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1:54 $0.99
6. I'm Gonna Love You Forever
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1:05 $0.99
7. Get the New Sappy Crooner CD !
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1:59 $0.99
8. I've Got a Guitar II
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0:57 $0.99
9. I Wanna Give You a Kiss (With Simon Peter Schlosser)
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0:20 $0.99
10. Your Love is the Sound Click in my Heart
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1:15 $0.99
11. Dead Fish Deorderent
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12. I've a Got a Guitar III
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2:21 $0.99
13. Chocolate
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0:49 $0.99
14. I've Got a Guitar IV
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0:58 $0.99
15. Night Mirror (Regular Phone)
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0:49 $0.99
16. I Found a Costume i
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2:04 $0.99
17. Halloween
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0:54 $0.99
18. Knock Knock Joke 1
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0:22 $0.99
19. Night Mirror (Speaker Phone)
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1:20 $0.99
20. I Found a Costume ii
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2:24 $0.99
21. I've a Got a Superman T-shirt
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2:26 $0.99
22. MamasDon'tLetYourBabiesGrowUpTobeStarTrekkiesorScifiFanboys
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4:17 $0.99
23. Chocolate Candy
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1:10 $0.99
24. Hey Birthday Boy (Art Paul version)
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1:18 $0.99
25. 2 Seasons
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0:13 $0.99
26. Plaid Christmas
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2:52 $0.99
27. Merry Christmas (with Simon Peter Schlosser)
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0:14 $0.99
28. Merry Christmas Ya Ya Ya
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2:58 $0.99
29. Knock Knock Joke 2
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0:18 $0.99
30. Hey Birthday Boy (Art Paul Elvis version)
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1:12 $0.99
31. Hey Hey I'm Not The Monkees
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2:17 $0.99
32. I Like Peace
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33. Blue Grass
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34. Martin Luther King
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35. I Praise the Lord (Everyday)
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36. The Computer is Thinking
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37. Cheesie Valentine
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ABOUT THIS ALBUM


Album Notes
Now with the computer hook up to the phone it is possible to record songs using a phone and make mp3s and have them sent back to your E-mail.
Here are a bunch of songs and jokes that were recorded using a phone calling another phone hook up to a computer answering machine.So you might be wondering about the sound quality well it's very poor because all the songs were recorded on the phone so you might have to adjust the volume, the bass, and audio because it's really raw. So if you like home made stuff without edits this might be what your looking for. but if your looking for quality sound from a big studio with all sorts of instruments added using a 4 track,8 track or 16 track this isn't it.

Hey maybe you might want to see some of the lyrics ?

Here they are:


1. Car Won’t Start

The car won't start
Car won't start

Everybody's honking

The car won't start
Car won't start

Everybody's honking
They keep honking
They keep honking

Car won't start
Everybody's honking
Car won't start
Everybody's honking
Car won't start
Everybody's honking

2. I’ve Got A Guitar

I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar

I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar

One day you'll see me
I'll be on youtube
What will I be singing
I've got a guitar

I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar

3. Car Won’t Start(Speaker Phone)

The car won't start
Car won't start

Everybody's honking
Everybody's honking

The car won't start
Car won't start

Everyone's honking
Everyone's honking

Car won't start
Car won't start

Everyone's honking
Everyone's honking

Car won't start
Car won't start

Everyone's honking
Everyone's honking
Everyone's honking
Everyone's honking

Car won't start
Car won't start

Everyone's honking
Everyone's honking

Car won't start
Car won't start
Car won't start
Car won't start
Car won't start
Car won't start
Car won't start

Everybody's honking
Everybody's honking
Everybody's honking

Car won't start


Car won't start
Everybody's honking
Car won't start
Everybody's honking
Car won't start
Everybody's honking

4. I’m Floating My Boat By Simon Peter Schlosser
I'm floating my boat but I saw a water fall

5. Simon Peter, Simon Peter

Simon Peter, Simon Peter
Your my little boy
Simon Peter, Simon Peter
Your my little boy
I love you so much
Yeah your my pride and joy

Simon Peter, Simon Peter
I love you deed I do
Simon Peter, Simon Peter
I love you deed I do
And I think I'd have a heart attache
If anything happened to you

Give me 5, Give me 5
Your my little boy
Give me 5, Give me 5
Your my little boy
This ain’t no jive
You’re my pride and joy
Pride and Joy, Pirde and Joy


6.Forever & Ever Amen

written by Paul Overstreet & Don Schlitz

Im gonna love you forever, forever & ever amen
As long as old men sit & talk about the weather
As long as old women sit & talk about old men
If you wonder how long Ill be faithfull
Ill be happy to tell you again
Im gonna love you forever & ever, forever & ever amen

I love you Robin bye

7. Get the New Sappy Crooner CD


Hi,I'm Frank at Mad Media bringing you a new CD that you might be interested. Are you sick of good music ? Are you sick of music that you enjoy ? Well here's something new that you may even hate.And you'll love it if you really hate music and you really love music that you hate. The Sappy Crooner who sings: I'm wearing life cereal all over my body, I don't eat it for breakfast anymore. It's now you can wear it. Or you'll get this other song by The Sappy Crooner called There Are Dead Fish in my Car and That's Why I smell so bad.Or how about this other one: I Have a Headache and I'm Coming Over ? Or how about this one:There Are Snakes in my Bedroom and In My Kitchen so Come on Over and Visit me and We'll Enjoy Watching the Snakes ? Or how about um That Tack is Sharp and I Sat On It ? Okay well send $9.99 in 5,10,or 20 easy payments and maybe we'll send you one eventually.

Ah Fly by Night
ah Mad Productions
Fly by Night records
Ah 1919 Nowhere
Um someplace in Arizona

Okay I'll be calling you again sometime soon by


8. I’ve Got A Guitar II

I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar

I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar

Some people have jobs
They make money
They work for the company
I've got a guitar

I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar


9. I want To Give You A Kiss


Art Paul:Okay say I love you

Simon:I Love You

Art Paul: And tell Mommy I want to give you a kiss

Simon: I Want To Give You A kiss

Art Paul:Okay we love you we'll talk to you later by.

Tulips look pretty too.


10. Your Love is the Sound Click in my Heart


Your love is the sound click that inspires my heart
Your love is the sound click that inspires my heart
Ever since I met you I never wanted to part
You came right up to me and a romantic fire did start

Your love is the sound click that inspires my heart
My engine was roaring and lightning did spark
Your love is the sound click that inspires my heart
My heart, my heart, my heart, my heart

Your love is the sound click that inspires my heart
I love you Robin

11.Dead Fish Deorderant


Hi, Our new product at Make You Smell Corperation is
Dead Fish Deorderent. You want to smell we can make you smell. Dead Fish Deorderent will really do it.Are you get sick of being popular ? Do you hate it when people hang over your shoulder at what your reading or doing or when woman actually want to hang out with you and go dancing or something ? Well we can make you very unpopular by using are new deorderant Dead Fish Deorderant. It smell bad ! It smell terrible ! It stinks and you won’t be popular ! People will come knocking at your door and no matter what they want to sell you when you open it, they’ll leave ! They’ll run ! Dogs will bark at you and they run too ! And people will be afraid of you ! Yeah you will be banished from your own town ! People will say you need to leave or take a bath because of Dead Deorderant ! And then you can be the most unpopular man in the world. Yeah buy it now at local stores near you if maybe they actually let us in the door. Well there you go look for it where you can and it’s really cheap and affordable. Um okay by.


12. I’ve Got A Guitar III

I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar

I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar

Some people are pretty
Some people are ugly
Some people are conceited
I've got a guitar

I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar

Some people really try to
Think they're real smart
Try to run my life
But I've got the guitar

I've got the guitar
You don't have it
I've got the guitar
I've got the guitar

13. Chocolate

Chocolate

Chocolate

I like chocolate candy

Makes me feel really dandy

Chocolate

I buy it at the grocery store
I want to eat it more and more
Chocolate

Chocolate

Chocolate chocolate


14.I’ve Got A Guitar IV

I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar

I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar

One day you'll see me
I'll be on youtube
What will I be singing
I've got a guitar

I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar
I've got a guitar

15. Night Mirror{Regular Version}

My name is nightmare and I’d like to say
A Halloween rap I wrote the other day
Well Halloween’s a coming and I’m getting very scared
My eyes are popping out and you should see my hair
I look like a monster from a scary picture show
I looked in the mirror and there was someone I didn’t know
So I started to shout and I started to scream
He looked like a Pumpkin from a scary scary dream
Then I realized it was only me
I’m getting kind of fat maybe I should cut down on the candy


16. I Found a Costume I


I went junk picking
I went junk picking
I went junk picking
Right around Halloween I went junk picking and guese what I found

Found a costume
I found a costume
I found a costume
I was so amazed it was Michael Jackson, thought it was kind of interesting.

Kind of weird
Actually I thought it was kind of funny
I thought it be kind of neat
To dress up as Michael Jackson on Halloween,how was I to know ?

He was kind of scary
People didn't understand the joke
They just didn't relate to me
I went to the door to give out candy and all the kids ran away

I started talking like this
Hi,I'm Michael Jackson
I didn't do any of those things
They thought I was actually Michael Jackson and they didn't want any candy

They didn't want my candy
Parents was afraid of me
They didn't even know maybe I wasn't even Michael Jackson
But they didn't take, they didn't want me to had out any candy

Happy Halloween Robin Good
Hope you liked that.

17. Halloween

Halloween
I like to eat a lot of candy
Halloween
It really makes me feel dandy
Halloween

Will you be a werewolf
Will you be a fairy
Are you going to be really
Really really scary
Halloween

18. Knock Knock Joke I

Mirror: Knock Knock

Lady:Who's there

Mirror:Mirror

Lady: Mirror who

Mirror: Mirror mirror on the wall unfortunately your not the fairest of them all



19. Night Mirror{Speaker Phone}

My name is nightmare and I’d like to say
A Halloween rap I wrote the other day
Well Halloween’s a coming and I’m getting very scared
My eyes are popping out and you should see my hair
I look like a monster from a scary picture show
I looked in the mirror and there was someone I didn’t know
So I started to shout and I started to scream
He looked like a Pumpkin from a scary scary dream
Then I realized it was only me
I’m getting kind of fat maybe I should cut down on the candy


20, I Found a Costume

I went junk picking
I went junk picking
I went junk picking around Halloween and I actually found ?
I actually found something

I found a costume
I found a costume
I was kind of amazed
I found a costume in the garbage it was never touched

It said Michael Jackson
I thought it would be kind of neat
To dress up as Michael Jackson on Halloween

I even started talking like him
Hi,I'm Michael Jackson
I didn't do all of those things you know
When I went they came to the door for candy they just didn't want any

Parents said stay away from my kids
I don't want you to mess around
Your probable one of those perverts
They didn't want Michael Jackson to mess around with their kids
It was just a costume

It was just a costume
But they didn't want any of my candy
They were wondering about me
Why I was talking like this they didn't think that it was funny

It wasn't funny
Hey I'm Michael Jackson
Tell me who's Bad
They didn't think it was funny,they told me to leave their kids alone

21.I’ve Got A Superman T-shirt

I've got a superman T-shirt
I've got a superman T-shirt
And there's nothing I can't do

Cause I've got a superman T-shirt
I've got a superman T-shirt
And when I wear it I feel like I’m superman too

Gonna save you from the earth quake
Gonna save you from the volcano
Gonna save you from the tornado too

Cause I a superman T-shirt
I've got a superman T-shirt
And I feel like I'm superman too

You say your gonna stop me
You say your gonna end it
But your T-shirt's yellow is not even blue

But I've got a superman T-shirt
I've got a superman T-shirt
And my superman T-shirt has the superman emblem too

Yeah I can bound any building
with a single bound
I'm invincible it's true

I've got a superman T-shirt
I've got a superman T-shirt
And there's nothing that I can't do

I'm faster than a speeding bullet
I'm faster than a locomotive
Yeah there's nothing that I can't do

Because I've got a superman T-shirt
I've got a superman T-shirt
And I'm wearing my superman T-shirt it's true

So now that I'm wearing my superman T-shirt
My superman T-shirt
There's nothing that I can't do


22. Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Star Trekkies or Scifi Fanboys

Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be Star Trekkies and Scifi Fanboys
Don't let them collect scifi dolls,watch dvds,build models,make them play football or basketball or baseball instead of standing in movie lines
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be Star Trekkies and Scifi Fanboys
Cause they'll always want to be at home in their room all alone watching some DVD they've seen 50 million times


Star Trekkies and Scifi fanboys aren't easy to understand especially if they talk in klingon,and they're hard to buy a present for
Especially when the rare item he wants is no longer availible and is very expensive in stores.
Hey Lukesky are you sure you want that one
Okay anyways
You might find it at Ebay (you know it’s a rare item) if your really lucky but don't bid to soon
Or else you end up shoveling out alot money as the price sky rockets to the moon


hey I said moon isn’t that scifi

Kazoo~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Somewhere out is outer space
Is the strangest place
Kazoo~~~~~~~~


Star Trekkies and Scifi Fanboys love to watch scifi TV about vampires,monsters and outerspace(I bet they like the twilight zone)
Movies or TV shows that have nothing to do with any real reality in this place
(When did you see vampire come knocking on your door lately ?)
He don’t care about college scholarship, being a banking and or don't ask about what he’ll do for a job
Cause if he ends up a janitor it’s perhaps your fault for using the TV set to babysit your kid Bob

Okay everybody now sing it with me
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be Star Trekkies and Scifi Fanboys?Don't let them collect scifi dolls,watch dvds, build models, make them play football,baseball,or tennis instead standing in movie lines. (I’ve been missing this one DVD I hope my kid doesn’t have it)
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be Star Trekkies and Scifi Fanboys

Cause they'll always want to be home in there room all alone watching some DVD your trying to find they seen 50 million times.

23. Chocolate Candy

Chocolate

Chocolate

Chocolate

I like to eat

Chocolate

It really makes me feel dandy

I like lots candy

at the store

I always buy

More and more

Chocolate

Candy

24. Hey Birthday Boy

We celebrate your birthday
Even if you don't
Be glad you're getting older
'Cause when you're dead you won't!
(You'll probable be a ghost or maybe your body will be rotting in the ground with worms in it. What a morbid thought. okay anyways)
So happy happy birthday
From everyone you know
Now we will light the candles(If we don't burn the house down)
And birth - day - boy - you - blow!
(If we burn the house down you'll really have to blow)
Kazoo~~~~~~~~
Kazoo sound like a siren (I don't know if that was an ambulance or the fire department but boy we better put out these flames fast)

25. 2 Seasons

Hey guess what ?

There's only 2 seasons.

Summer and looking for your mittens.

26.Plaid Christmas

I’ll have a plaid Christmas it’s certain
I bought some plaid wallpaper and curtains
Decorations in plaid on a plaid Christmas tree
I bought you a plaid dress so you can be with me

I’ll have a plaid Christmas I know
I even have a fake snow blower that blows fake plaid snow
Why would you want a Christmas of just plain white when plaid is dynamite
Lets have a plaid plaid Christmas

I’ll have a plaid Christmas it’s true
I’ll wear a plaid suit just to be with you
We’ll have plaid candy canes and plaid hot chocolate
Plaid little elfs with jokes of plaid wit

I’ll have Plaid Christmas Ho Ho Ho
Ho Ho Ho Have a Plaid Christmas Goodbye

27. Merry Christmas from Simon Peter

Art Paul: okay wish everybody a Merry Christmas

Simon Peter: I wish you a Merry Christmas for everybody in the whole wide world

Art Paul: okay

28.Merry Christmas Ya Ya Ya

Merry Christmas ya ya ya
Merry Christmas ya ya ya
Merry Christmas ya ya ya ya


Well more than just the gifts
And it’s more than 10 layer chocolate cake
If I had just one wish
I’d wish your happiness wasn’t fake

Merry Christmas ya ya ya
Merry Christmas ya ya ya
Merry Christmas ya ya ya ya


Well I heard the door bell ring
And it was an old friend of mine
No gift did he bring
Still his coming was so kind
He said

Merry Christmas Ya Ya Ya
Merry Christmas ya ya ya
Merry Christmas ya ya ya ya


Louder Simon come here

Do you want to sing it with me Simon
Hurry
Okay ready
Merry Christmas
Loud
Can you try it
Real loud because you’ve got to get it in the speaker

Merry Christmas Ya Ya Ya

So though this songs not so weird
To you I hope it’s dear
And if it makes you laugh
I’ll put on Elfish ears

Okay one more time Simon really loud

29. Knock Knock Joke 2

Knock knock
Who's there ?
Paper
Paper who ?
Paper boy you owe me 20 dollars

30. Hey Birthday Boy (Art Paul Elvis version)

We celebrate your birthday
Even if you don't
Be glad you're getting older
'Cause when you're dead you won't!
So happy happy birthday
From everyone you know
Now we will light the candles
And birth - day - boy - you - blow!

31. Hey, Hey I’m Not The Monkees

Here I come
See me walking down the street
I get the funniest looks from
Everyone I meet

Hey Hey I'm not The Monkees
But I like to think I am
Everyone thinks I'm crazy
Still their my myspace friends

Everywhere I go
I make sure I have a pen
I get up and sing Karaoke
And then I sign autographs like I'm them

Hey Hey I'm not The Monkees
But I like to think I am
Everyone thinks I'm crazy
Still their my myspace friends

Yeah I'm just trying to be friendly
I think I look like Peter Tork
But you know I could be Micky
I'm not really sure anymore

Okay everybody now sing with me:

Hey Hey I'm not The Monkees
But I like to think I am
Everyone thinks I'm crazy
Still their my myspace friends

Maybe I'm Michael
Or you know maybe I'm Ringo
No that's the Beatles
Or I might be
Maybe I'm Elvis
Well I don't know
Anyways
Okay well maybe I'm Art Paul
Okay By !

32. I Like Peace

Hi,my name is Art Paul Schlosser and this song is for all those people say well if you hate war what do you like ?

I like peace, I like peace, I like peace, I like peace,

I like Peace, I like Peace, I think the war should finely cease

I like peace, I like peace, I like peace, I like peace, I like Peace,
I like peace, I like peace

I like people, I like friends
I wish that all the wars would end

I like peace, I like peace, I like peace, I like peace, I like Peace

I’ll sing this song my whole life
Whether we have peace or whether we have strife, I like Peace, I like Peace

Now sing it with me:
I like peace, I like peace, I like peace, I like peace, I like Peace,
I like peace, I like peace

I like peace, I like peace,
I like Peace, I think the war should finely cease
I like Peace, I like Peace


33. Blue Grass

Blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass

Blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass

Give that old time religion
Old time religion
Give me that old time religion and it's good enough for me

It was good for Paul and Silas
Good for Paul and Silas
Good for Paul and Silas and it's good enough for me

Makes you love everybody
Makes you love everybody
Makes you love everybody and it's good enough for me

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch, a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind, but now, but now I see

Said blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass

Blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass, blue grass

I love that Blue Grass




34. Martin Luther King

I dreamed I saw Martin Luther King
Alive as you or me
Says I, Martin You've long been dead
I never died said he
I never died said he

Wasn't it down in Memphis Tennessee
They shot you I believe
It takes more than guns to kill a man
I never died said he
I never died said he

And standing there as big as life
And smiling with a gleam
What they couldn't kill
Was the Vision that I did see
The Vision that I did see

My dream it didn't die
My dream could never die
Where ever Black and White and Rich and Poor work together
My dream is realized
My dream is realized

From way down south and up there north
In every church and town
Where ever people treat each other as sister and brother
Martin Luther King will still be around
Martin Luther King will still be around

35. I Praise the Lord Everyday

Hey
I praise the Lord
Everyday
I praise the Lord
Say
I praise the Lord
Everyday
I praise the Lord
On Monday
I praise the Lord
On Tuesday
I praise the Lord
On Wednesday
I praise the Lord
On Thursday
I praise the Lord
On Friday
I praise the Lord
On Saturday
I praise the Lord
On Sunday
I praise the Lord
Everyday

Hey
I praise the Lord
Everyday
I praise the Lord
When I see your face
I praise the Lord
By God's grace
I praise the Lord
Everyday

I praise the Lord
When I'm doing fine
I praise the lord
Every moment and all the time
I praise the Lord
Everyday

I praise the Lord
Everyday
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la

Said hey
I praise the Lord
Everyday
I praise the lord
When I hear a beautiful tune
I praise the lord
When I see the moon
I praise the lord
Every month and June

I praise the Lord
Everyday
I praise the Lord
Everyday
I praise the Lord
Everyday

36. The Computer is Thinking

The computer is thinking
And the light is blinking
But it doesn't go anywhere
And I sit and stair
Wondering what I'm doing
Such a beautiful day
Why do I stay
I could be having fun
Sometimes I wonder if I'm dumb

The computer is thinking
And the light is blinking
And right when it's about to get somewhere
It says it cannot go there
So I start again
To myspace one of my friends
And right when I'm about to get to there website
You guess it
Another blinking light

Yeah the computer is thinking
And the light is blinking
And I'm starting to get mad
I want to get my axe
And wack
My computer to death

The computer is thinking
And the light is blinking
And I've been here for more than a year
And I haven't changed my underwear
Maybe that's too much information available
What do you ?
Anyway
Oh I order a pizza now and then
And I've been visited by some of my friends
They must think that I am doomed
Because I can not leave this room
Something might happen

The computer is thinking
And the light is blinking
I've been here for 45 years
And I haven't cut my hair
It's grown way out of reach
There's a bear
Standing outside my door
Wondering when I'm gonna leave my front porch floor
But I never leave the basement
No I can't quit
Do you think I'm addicted
Do you think I'm addicted

The Computer is thinking
And the like is blinking
It's got to do something
I'd hate to take it in
A took my other computer in once
Boy that was a bad choice
They put it on a shelf somewhere
Then after a month or 2
They said there's nothing they can do
Then I brought it home
Only to find
Everything was wiped out
I don't know what happened
They said it wasn't there fault

The computer is thinking
And the light is blinking
But I'm just gonna get my gun
And I'll shoot it
And the next the salesman comes
Well I'm not gonna buy one
Not from him
I just go to the library use there's
They can fix it
It's only a half an hour or hour or so
I don't know

The computer is thinking
And the light is blinking
We can not do that
This does not work
This does not work
There's a problem
Problem
This does not work

37. Cheesie Valentine

Be my cheesy valentine
Cover me with swiss oh so sublime
Put monster on my arms and feet
I can't think of a better treat
Then to cheddar me or colby me over my head
Melt me like on your potato
Or sandwich me with ham and bread
Some people like pizza with cheese and tomato
Vegan me when no one looking
I won't tell vegetarians that your a dairian
So ask the librarian
For a book on cheesy broccolarian
Hey cheese it isn't sin
No cheese is a vacation
There are many more I forgot to mention
Let this verse represent them
Shout out here your favorite cheese:
_______________________________
But if your allergic please don't sneeze


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