Selected excerpts from my composing log:
My community lies within the purity of my belief. It is between me and God. It is not about the tradition of how we pray together, but a never-ending connect with Truth and perpetual striving for perfection. My laws are simple but direct as the first ten given to Moses. They are about desire and how that desire will ultimately mold the vision of what is first to be created. They are about listening and how steadfastly I listen to the voices that guide me. Such a joyful noise! I prey that I’m able to write it all down!!
Everything I have ever dreamed for myself, of those dreams fulfilled, I have already lived from inception. The journey to these “successes” is, in the most part, radically different from anything I ever thought I’d have to travel.
As far as the still unfulfilled dreams ... I’m still dreaming and striving for their fruition. This has been an incredible spiritual experience. To fight through my fears and insecurities of whether I can write another note or, more important, “Is it worth writing down?,” I guess will haunt me to the end.
In the mean time, the journey to refine continues, searching, always listening through my heart to God.
Dreaming to be good at something is not enough. Yes, it is obviously important to know “at what,” but then it is all about the relentless hard work to prove to yourself against all your insecurities of whether or not you are succeeding.
And when the fleeting moments of self satisfaction quickly pass, as they inevitably will, you must still have that desire to continue, no matter how weakened by your next revelation of mediocrity, until the next revelation and evolution to a higher plain. This continuum, this sin wave of emotions will plague the mind, though softened by the heart and soul to the end of consciousness. Then and only then time will tell you if you have succeeded.
It seems that everyone has their own exclusive club with its subjective elitism excluding everybody else. As for myself, I wish to be part of the world as a whole and as a result, wish to communicate with everyone.
The perpetual need for self-enlightenment, “I am, therefore I think,” is the awareness of our creation and the subsequent responsibility to nurture, grow and pay back the earned wisdom, adding to the collective consciousness. The resulting synergy is the Godhead and those participating in this creative reality are the “chosen.” Though I find organized religion important in the respect that it gives order to so many and creates community for those who otherwise have none, I find the resulting “institutionalization” and “politic” of organized religion the antithesis of being with God. To walk with God every day, one doesn’t need witnesses to attest how pious one is. Being with God is personal, and the individual who chooses this path will know when he deviates from it.
Organized sects have a tradition of community, some older than others. Their continuance is more important than the pursuit of God that they profess, and this resulting self-importance has caused war and genocide throughout the ages. God didn’t create Himself for those who are aware of Him to destroy themselves. God is … Enlightenment falls onto the (chosen) few who recognize the need to be “human.”
Ironically, it has been the enlightened few who have been the target of persecution by the religious traditionalists since time began. The only solace is God’s love when recognizing one’s purpose and subsequent vision quest in life. This ultimate gift is not to be bored. There is a heaven and hell, and mankind has the power to choose. It is truly about listening.
Everything that is...is
Everything that was...still is
Everything that will first be...is
If there is a variant in this steadfast law, it is only within the question of how relentless one chooses to believe.
Arrived in Nuzerov, (loosely translated meaning Chestnut Village), with Yitka (my wife) and Sebastian (our son) and immediately set up my workstation. I’ve been up thirty-six hours and need to crash. It’s a scary place I’m about to enter. I’m always nervous about the quality of what I will produce, if anything.
Creating is very painful because of its lonely process. It takes tremendous energy though only specific elements are used. The fact that I can burn off excess mania doing physical labor on the farm has allowed me to clear so that expediting my conceptions come to relative speedy fruition. It could all be nonsense but, at the moment, “If it ain’t broke, why fix it?”
Van Gogh wasn’t first crazy … He was first lonely and unrequited. Powerful stuff. How long one can handle such stress is anyone’s guess. Add in nature’s bio rhythm, i.e.: It has rained six out of seven days with the barometric pressure is so low that being creative, let alone, not falling asleep, let alone, keeping your eyes from crossing, is a titanic undertaking. I will find the light whether the sun decides to shine or not.
Art, with a capital “A”, unfortunately has to navigate where most spell it with a small “r.” In a world only aware of its own generation’s history, where history mercilessly repeats itself, I find myself clinging to the threads of classicism with my juxtaposed emotions weighing heavily upon my creativity. Push on, push on!
Hayden Wayne (composer/librettist) may be one of the first in his generation to take the rare route through pop/rock music's highest levels to reach where he is today. He began playing piano at the age of four and played tenor drum in the orchestra pit of The King And I at the age of five which his father was conducting, and performed his first composition in concert at the age of eleven. He won a second prize medal for piano solo from the New York State Music Awards at fifteen. The '70s saw him performing in the pop/rock world for such major-label backed bands as Man (CBS Records) and Jobriath (Elektra Records). He toured with the likes of Sly Stone, the Yardbirds with Jimmy Page, Billy Joel, Gordon Lightfoot, Gladys Knight and the Fifth Dimension. Eventually, tired of touring, he took (or rather went back) to composing. In his unique position - with a classical training and a wealth of pop/rock experience - he began experimenting with a synthesis of various genres/styles.
As a composer, in 1983 Mr. Wayne opened a new theater for the Mark Taper Forum in Los Angeles with his metaphorical circus WIRE, won $10,000 USD as national first place in 1987 from the National Institute for Music Theater with NEON (A Street Opera) . In 2000, NEON won a 25,000 DM prize in the International Prague Opera Competition. He was commissioned to write IN MEMORIAM: A CELEBRATION, by the Interfaith Concert of Holocaust Remembrance, which premiered at Saint John the Divine in New York in 1993. Subsequently linked with SINFONIETTA # 1: THE KLEZMER and AN ELEGY INTO MADNESS, specifically commissioned for the Fiftieth Anniversary of Israel, and titled A TRIPTYCH, had its world première at Mandel Hall, the University of Chicago in January 1998. In February 1995, his SYMPHONY #4-FUNK had its world premiere at the Janacek Theatre in Brno, The Czech Republic. It sold out in one week seven months in advance and was requested to be part of the Twentieth Century Music Festival and performed at The Rudolfinum in Prague October 21, 1995. The recording of the work would ultimately find itself on the music play-list of President Bill Clinton’s Air Force One!
Mr. Wayne also has several film scores and award-winning commercials for television to his credit. To date, Mr. Wayne has written over four hundred compositions including: SYMPHONY #1-THE SYMPHONY OF FRIENDS, the ballet CIRQUE DE LA LUNE, DRACULA (Opera Erotica), PIANO CONCERTO #1 (The Rock "n' Roll) and CELLO CONCERTO #1 which are paired as a diptych: SINFONIETTA #2 (It's a Boy) and #3 (The Emerald); VIOLIN/PIANO SONATA (The "Kraft"); The Symphonic Trilogy: #2-REGGAE, #3-HEAVY METAL, #4-FUNK; and SYMPHONY #5 AFRICA [A Tone Poem] (all recorded by the State Philharmonic of Brno, on New Millennium Records); the choral symphony SYMPHONY #6-THE GIFT; SYMPHONY #7-CELESTIAL DANCES and SYMPHONY #8-1421; the string quartets: THE NUZEROV QUARTETS #1-The Rosenberger Variations and #2-The Romantic, # 3, 4 & 5, #6, 7 & 8, and # 9 & 10, performed by the Wallinger String Quartet; FIVE DANCES FOR CELLO AND PIANO and PIANO QUINTET #1 (all available on New Millennium Records), and hundreds of songs in various eclectic styles.
The Wallinger String Quartet, one of the most accomplished young ensembles from the Moravian region of the Czech Republic, originally came together in 1986 at the Brno Conservatory, and became a professional adjunct to the Brno State Philharmonic Orchestra. The current members: Pavel Wallinger, first violin; Jan Vasta, second violin; Miroslav Kovar, viola; Jan Skrdlik, violoncello. All studied at the Janacek Academy of Performing Arts in Brno. Prominent Czech artists from the Moravian, Janacek and Smetana Quartets contributed to the artistic development of both the individual players and the quartet as a whole.
In 1987 the Quartet won the Beethoven Prize at the Hradec Competition and was also honored at the 1988 International Prague Spring Competition and the 1990 Evian Competition in France among others. The ensemble has been heard in Austria, France, Switzerland, Germany, Portugal, Spain and Africa. It made its North American debut in 1993 with a twenty-five concerts tour of the east coast. The following year the Wallinger appeared at festivals in Paris and Lyons and were featured at the International Festival of String Quartets in Prague.