Tender and succulent reader:
Яudy Quazar is a demon built of high energy rock that attacks people with its five fanged tooth. The rock demon Яudy Quazar is summoned by four men hailing from the Niagara Region in Ontario, Canada. Each of these men brandishes a specially tailored and differently shaped suit and tie with an attached weapon of demise.
Jives attacks evil elves and waitresses with his golden voice which was stolen directly from Satan's underpants. He has held this role for approximately three years, when it was decided by the other members of the band of hellraisers that 4 is a more round number than three.
Яod shoots invisible lightning sticks of pure mid-range horror through the eyes of anyone who accidentally looks. As a founding member of Яudy Quazar, he slashes and raves like a lunatic. Sometimes he kicks all of the other members while summoning a specific rock demon that will set the mood of an entire milennium.
The ground rattles, your hair starts to move of its own accord, and you know that somewhere in the future Mattie is producing his low frequency eruptions. Death is everywhere, the chair you sit upon is in flames and the growl of bass emanates for light years. For almost four years this has been going on, and no one knows what to do.
In need of a tempo keeping machine, Jives, Яod and Mattie constructed Phil out of five pounds of plasteel and twenty 50 gigabyte microprocessors. On the day Phil was born, the demon Яudy Quazar made it's 1000th appearance, exposing itself to unsuspecting passers-by. Phil has grown since then, but at what cost?
Often (or at least once) described as Frank Zappa times 5000, the rock demon Яudy Quazar is summoned regularly in Thorold, St. Catharines, Niagara Falls, Welland and beyond (i.e. Port Colborne). Nothing can stop it. Soon it will overtake the world!