Sniffing and Cursing – The songs
1. Transplant – The Daves (1977) Arriving in London from the Scilly Islands, they signed to Rigor Mortis Records before sinking back into ill-deserved oblivion.
2. The Common Touch – The Leamington Manuals (1979) The ska-influenced Manuals, heard here before going through a number of name-changes. All of the names were rubbish. And not funny either.
3. PVC Underground – C-Thru-Pantz (1978) Fronted by singer May O’Naise. A proposed comeback in the mid-90s did not materialise as O’Naise was restoring a fire engine.
4. Gifted Spark Plant to Reverend – The Faucets (1981) Still performing today, they have undergone 471 personnel changes.
5. Ellis Island – The Nebular Nobsticks (1979) They stopped playing live when singer, John Pheasant developed an allergy to Gaffa tape.
6. Jessica Jemimah Bicycle Jones – Cyril Cheesehouse (1980) Nowadays, Cheesehouse heads the ‘Sugar Honey Crunchy Puffy Nut Loops’ cult. An endorsement too far? You decide.
7. You’re so Clever – The Spotoons (1976) A cover of The Citadels’ 1965 original. Singer, John John later became presenter of wildlife show, ‘Pimp my Mongoose’.
8. Everyone Says – The Trads (1978) A demo of a song composed by Bishop Smoove, one of the band’s four lead vocalists. The hits dried up after a tragic shortage of McGanns.
9. Did you think (you’d fall in love with someone at the first sight of their looks or did you realise that this only ever happens in books) – The Fizzdicks (1978) An attempt at the longest ever title in the history of popular music, it was beaten by ‘What if you fell in love with someone and then found out she was engaged to someone else and then realised you didn’t really like her anyway and then fell in love with a girl who worked in a biscuit warehouse in Newbury’.
10. You Never Close your Eyes – Baz and Kev (1976) Baz and Kev started playing live in pubs in 1938 and didn’t notice the blitz. This can best be described as ‘an anomaly’.
11. The Fifth Musketeer – The Radiogramme (1980) Singer, Dib (5,682nd in line to the throne), wrote this, which was used in a TV ad for the Morris Ital. Dib retired on the proceeds and has since bred.
12. Definite Article – String (1977) An out-take from their first album, ‘Green Banner’; rejected for being too long.
13. They Reckon – The Elgins (1978) The Elgins were to achieve world stardom with their mixture of Punk, Ska, Garage, R ‘n’ B, Bluegrass, Folk, Jazz, Psychedelia, Ethiopian Nose Flute, Ovine E-Bow and Russian Orthodox Bell Ringing, to name but a few.
14. The Tears I Almost Cried – Freddy Frogg (1982) – Frogg is now Prospective Parliamentary Candidate for Corfe Castle (Dorset, UK).